Dear David,

August 31, 2017 10:39 AM

Wanna get geared up for fall? In the mood to be spooked? This guy think his apartment is haunted, and he captured it all on twitter (SL Twitter compilation of tweets, videos, and pictures, hosted on a 3rd party site)
posted by FirstMateKate (41 comments total)

David...Pumpkins?
posted by kewb at 10:51 AM on August 31, 2017 [22 favorites]

I'm calling this a Dionea-house type of spoof thing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:56 AM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

The Ouija board is set.
Adam Ellis places a trembling hand on the planchette.
"GET A BLOG" it spells.
posted by Pyry at 11:07 AM on August 31, 2017 [14 favorites]

I saw this in my Twitter feed back when the cats were just staring at the door, and was sort of surprised at how many tweeters were treating it as real and not as fiction in a Twitter format. It was like when you read a creepypasta on Reddit and all the comments are expressing concern for the author's safety.

That willfully believing audience seems to helping Adam's story out—when I got to the part with the selfie, I searched it intently because I figured he'd hidden an image of Dear David in it. Fortunately someone else's pareidolia kicked in and found one that doesn't look intentional.

Cheers to Adam for his slow burn, multimedia creepypasta. Jeers to KISS FM for lacing it with inane commentary and reaction GIFs—this would be creepier as a Storify.
posted by ejs at 11:10 AM on August 31, 2017 [7 favorites]

I mean to be fair I am already inclined to be heavily skeptical of ghost stories, but I checked out at "so I bought a Polaroid because #sorandom and decided to take photos of my empty hallway with it."
posted by penduluum at 11:11 AM on August 31, 2017

like much creepypasta, this started out fairly good and creepy and then we get into Lengthy Ongoing Ghost Investigator LARPing and all the interjected "OH HELL NO"s by the content provider can't make that shit creepy again
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:15 AM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

If this were real, it would obviously be the cats deciding to have a laugh at his expense.
I mean, look at them.
They're so fucking with him.
posted by signal at 11:20 AM on August 31, 2017 [7 favorites]

ejs: "Jeers to KISS FM for lacing it with inane commentary and reaction GIFs—this would be creepier as a Storify."

This so many times. Does anybody still find reaction GIFs funny? They're like those people who keep using TV sitcom catchphrases 6 years after the shows are off the air.

Reaction GIFs are about 1/2 notch below "wazaaaap!!!!" as comedic material.
posted by signal at 11:24 AM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

Prediction: the punchline involves the fact that he didn't preface the third question with "Dear David."
posted by solotoro at 11:25 AM on August 31, 2017 [8 favorites]

... i managed to skip past all the reaction gifs and read the tweets no problem. Sometimes a story is just a story, y'all. it doesn't have to be anything else.
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:25 AM on August 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh, I totally dig this kind of thing. Y'all sent me down a rabbit hole in the past with that guy in the cave... and then a whole thread of people talking about weird shit they see in the woods. Oh, the the stairways in the middle of nowhere?

It might not be true, but it could be, you know?
posted by slipthought at 11:47 AM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

I stopped following him because these tweets were getting so annoying.
posted by AFABulous at 11:48 AM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

So,

EITHER existence of killer ghost

OR a novel approach from a PR firm specializing in social media looking to raise his visibility.

I know where I'd put my money.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:51 AM on August 31, 2017 [4 favorites]

Or a third option: he believes there's something hinky going on (but there really isn't).
posted by cooker girl at 12:11 PM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

Option four: there's nothing supernatural going on and a writer is just writing a story on twitter.
posted by dazed_one at 12:14 PM on August 31, 2017 [9 favorites]

Storify link

Radio stations on the internet are the epitome of bad neighbors.
posted by crush at 12:27 PM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

Option five: there is something supernatural going on, but it's nothing to do with this story, and the fact that the writer is making up a ghost story is a spooky coincidence which just goes to show that once you start talking about ghosts any attempt to appear rational is kind of besides the point, no? plus the cats are in on it.
posted by signal at 12:28 PM on August 31, 2017 [11 favorites]

The nice thing about ghosts is you can blame your story's continuity errors on them. "Somebody noticed the chair moved between video clips, even though I allegedly was out the whole time? Boy that sure is spoOoOoOoOoky!"
posted by aubilenon at 12:31 PM on August 31, 2017 [15 favorites]

It was like when you read a creepypasta on Reddit and all the comments are expressing concern for the author's safety.

It's been a very long time, but at least back when I was over there the rule on /r/nosleep was that everything is true and bullshit-calling was not allowed.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:32 PM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

Is it just me or is is there something in the first photo, right where the bannister meets the shelves? Hiding on the stairs.

Do you have some Windex and paper towels under the kitchen sink? Try applying those, in that order, to your filthy peep hole.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:37 PM on August 31, 2017 [4 favorites]

I like it. Nicely spooky. I look forward to the inevitable film adaptation.
posted by maxsparber at 12:40 PM on August 31, 2017

Do you have some Windex and paper towels under the kitchen sink? Try applying those, in that order, to your filthy peep hole.

It's covered in eyeball grease
posted by aubilenon at 12:46 PM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

I was unmoved by the story by strangely moved by the Eames-style molded rocking chair.
posted by Caxton1476 at 1:07 PM on August 31, 2017 [6 favorites]

Look, I've still got residual palmsweat from a This is Dan Bell urbex rabbit hole spawned ironically from DEES NUTS. Yes, its crap, but creepy crap. The Bell fanboys are all up into LOOK AT THIS THING IN THE VIDEO, ITS A THING and you go back through the scary music like five times and its crap but yo, nervy.

I mean, we all peeked expecting something...
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:15 PM on August 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

Unlike everybody else, this unnerved the hell out of me, and that was without watching the videos or listening to anything (because I am at work).
posted by gucci mane at 1:16 PM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

There was a time that this sort of thing would have given me all kinds of creeps and willies. I plunged in kinda hoping that would happen. It didn't.

It appears my capacity for horror has been completely overwhelmed by the daily news, which is in a way more frightening.
posted by kinnakeet at 1:43 PM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

Option six: This is a fully fictional story, but having thousands of people read about it and believe it is going to create a Tulpa! Dear David will be wrenched from the fictional world into the physical world by his believers and kill his creator.

(Tulpas previously on Metafilter)
posted by ejs at 1:48 PM on August 31, 2017 [5 favorites]

It appears my capacity for horror has been completely overwhelmed by the daily news, which is in a every way more frightening.

FTFY
posted by solotoro at 2:02 PM on August 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

No, David.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:24 PM on August 31, 2017

EITHER existence of killer ghost

OR a novel approach from a PR firm specializing in social media looking to raise his visibility.

I know where I'd put my money.

well, I know which one I find more frightening at least
posted by idiopath at 2:39 PM on August 31, 2017

I've been overwhelmed with boredom since I started living alone (with a pet). I had no idea that I could just make up ghosts to spook myself for fun.
posted by runcibleshaw at 6:04 PM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

This seems like kind a fun thing to do over a few months. I want to do one with witchcraft. "Huh, looks like my crops have failed, weird."
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 7:39 PM on August 31, 2017 [3 favorites]

"I saw this in my Twitter feed back when the cats were just staring at the door, and was sort of surprised at how many tweeters were treating it as real and not as fiction in a Twitter format"

Because a worrying number of people are worryingly credulous when it comes to the w0o0o0o00
posted by GallonOfAlan at 11:56 PM on August 31, 2017 [2 favorites]

I think Signal is dead right here - the cats are definitely in on it. When I lived alone with two cats they used to pull this sort of thing regularly. They would both focus on one point on the wall and stare fixedly for several minutes. Sometimes they would follow a spot across the wall. They did it to mess with me when they were bored, and of course their supernatural investigations could be stopped dead by the offer of food.
posted by Fuchsoid at 3:54 AM on September 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

ugh, I hate that. When my husband is away, and late at night the slumbering dog jerks her head up and stares fixedly at the hallway. Right. Now I'm going to be able to sleep, sure.

Nevertheless, I'm going to continue counting on the fact that there is no rocking chair in the house to keep the ectoplasm away. Research proves that those things are serious ghoul magnets.

(also surprised so many are doubting this story! If you can't trust a random internet guy called moby_dickhead, who can you trust?)
posted by taz at 5:00 AM on September 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

I would like to take this opportunity to draw your attention to Adam's cat instagram featuring Maxwell and Pepper. Pepper is the black one that makes the funny faces and Maxwell kind of looks like my cat except he only has 3 legs. No ghosts, just cute kittehs.
posted by like_neon at 5:52 AM on September 1, 2017

Ok, I read this thinking it was real.
I also watched the first Paranormal Activity movie thinking it was real too. Only when it was over did I learn that it was not.
posted by sundrop at 10:13 AM on September 1, 2017

Okay, now he needs to have another library dream with the mysterious kid who's met Dear David before so he can collect another chilling anecdote. Or find another green chair in an unlikely setting. Or maybe he should cut to the chase and do what he's clearly planning, which is wake up and find that in his sleep he's drawn the whole story of the child's bad end and his various hauntings and postmortem murders. If he wants to pace it, he can have hidden the drawings all over the apartment and not find the last one with the panel about Dear David's plans for the author's demise... until...

sundrop, google "Ghostwatch." Wheee!
posted by Don Pepino at 10:34 AM on September 1, 2017

So, it so happens I started playing the first Exuma album about 20 minutes before clicking this link...
posted by lastobelus at 12:10 PM on September 1, 2017

I also watched the first Paranormal Activity movie thinking it was real too. Only when it was over did I learn that it was not.

I have a bridge I'm looking to sell that you might be interested in.
posted by dazed_one at 12:41 PM on September 3, 2017

I have a bridge I'm looking to sell that you might be interested in.

Is it haunted??
posted by aubilenon at 1:47 PM on September 3, 2017 [3 favorites]