"It is 100 percent not a fact-based business"

April 2, 2019 10:47 PM

Susan Deren sat at her kitchen table, carefully propped a cordless phone in front of her and a notepad to her side, and opened up her iPhone to look at a photo of a small dog, a pug in a pink harness named Luna. Then Deren, who calls herself an “animal communicator,” picked up the cordless phone and dialed Luna’s owner so she could begin communicating with the dog. Over the phone. Mind-to-mind.

(Billy Baker, Boston Globe)
posted by Johnny Wallflower (23 comments total)

This is awful quackery taking advantage of people desperate for information about ailing pets. What absolutely despicable people.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:03 PM on April 2, 2019 [15 favorites]

I always wonder how much the quacks believe it. Ever since I read Mistakes Were Made but Not by Me, I try to think about the role of self deception. Not that this absolves the quacks for taking advantage of people.

It's interesting that her technique seems a lot like a shitty attempt at cold reading. The writer didn't pull any punches showing how bad she did on this particular dog.

Anyway, watching my parents pay thousands to save their ailing pugs, I'm sympathetic to the clients. It's hard to let go. Since so many domestic dogs die through euthanasia, the onus on the owners is huge. It's a big decision.
posted by Telf at 12:38 AM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]

So I like reading psychic magazines. It's a weakness of mine that I've had ever since I was a little kid and reading Dad's copies of Fate.

My favourite column is Texas the Psychic Horse. He's the conduit between the animal afterlife and an animal communicator.

I did a lightning talk on Texas for the local tech scene to explain that as bad as your code and your processes might be, they're not as bad as talking to your dead pet through a psychic horse.
posted by Katemonkey at 1:37 AM on April 3, 2019 [9 favorites]

Deren said that skepticism is part of the gig and she encounters it regularly, particularly from “overly rational types” and “husbands.”

If it ducks like a quack...
posted by chavenet at 2:44 AM on April 3, 2019 [17 favorites]

overly rational types

Will she work in exchange for me visualizing that the Universe will grow her bank account?
posted by thelonius at 3:41 AM on April 3, 2019 [7 favorites]

I don’t know, Wilbur; I’ll bet Texas never facilitated mass harassment and Nazis. Maybe Tech should embrace slow-moving inefficient communications chains built around psychic animals....

Twitter could use actual birds; then when someone sent a malign tweet, a crow could show up and peck the bejeezus out of them.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:59 AM on April 3, 2019 [6 favorites]

I just wish all our communications were based on pneumatic tubes.
posted by Telf at 4:34 AM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]

then when someone sent a malign tweet, a crow could show up and peck the bejeezus out of them.

“Meh. It’s a living.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:41 AM on April 3, 2019 [9 favorites]

as bad as your code and your processes might be...

import java.psychic.horse.*
posted by Wolfdog at 5:20 AM on April 3, 2019 [8 favorites]

Twenty years ago I bought a dog from a reputable breeder who insisted that her pet psychic be involved in the vetting process. She had us bring our current dog to her house and called the psychic on the phone to see how our current dog and the new one would get along. Psychic said, "your current dog wants you to know that his blue toy (?) is not for sharing, but everything else should work out for these two."

Dog didn't have a blue toy and they're color-blind, so I'm not sure where "blue toy" comes from. Anyway, I spent about twenty minutes twenty years ago smiling and nodding in the home of a crazy person in order for her to feel good about sending a pup home with me.
posted by GamblingBlues at 5:23 AM on April 3, 2019 [23 favorites]

One part of me wants to ban this preying on the credulous needy ones, but you rapidly run into the problem of who decides what is merely plain old taking advantage of ignorance and stupidity and what is that subtle thing called religion. I personally see no difference, but history shows that when you try to stop people believing whatever nonsense theur folks taught them, they start killing. And I’m against that. So, I just rely on that wise old saying: “stupid people got to spend their money too.”

Boy, I’m grumpy this morning.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:32 AM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

The people I've known who have practiced remote animal Reiki - and I've known multiple! - have 100% believed in what they were doing regardless of it being, by all accounts, completely impossible bullshit. They were already really into woo well before starting the practice.

So while I'm sure there are straight-up charlatans who are out to bilk the unsuspecting and highly suggestible public with their psychic telephony, my guess is that the majority of practitioners are just people who have bought into the enterprise and believe they are doing good by their clients. And, you know, given that placebos and good luck charms actually work, who's to say that it is entirely ineffective, at least with regards to the client's state of mind? Better that Fido get some hotline bling than ineffective and painful surgery.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:14 AM on April 3, 2019 [4 favorites]

Went to the Globe looking forward to a feel-good story about pet whisperers and others who were good at reading the inner lives, needs and wants of beloved pets; came away with yet more anger and disdain for all the scammers who infiltrate our communities. Thanks, Globe.
posted by Melismata at 7:44 AM on April 3, 2019

I thought of Reiki, too, grumpybear69.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:03 AM on April 3, 2019

When I saw "import java.psychic.horse.*", I remembered that there is a .horse TLD you can register sites on and was disappointed to learn nobody has taken psychic.horse yet (It's $25.88 at namecheap)
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:45 AM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: Boy, I’m grumpy this morning
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:46 AM on April 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

So, this stuff is real complicated because it intersects "stuff women like" and "some people are easy to take advantage of" and MLM/scams and tax shelters for drug dealers and a surprisingly (because nobody cares what women want) large semi-underground support economy for women, in which a lot of customers don't actually need the woo to be real if it gives them somebody supportive to talk to and engage with. The terms used for the service provider may change depending on your race, cultural background, region you live in, socioeconomic level (and that of your general cohort), where Ms. A goes to see her psychic and Ms. B has a call with her coach.

Definitely "animal communicator" is one of the more vaporous options (and I'm sure there's plenty out there using it as a pivot to their essential oil mlm in lieu of appropriate medical care, but all the ones I've ever been exposed to are mostly like "your dead dog forgives you for yelling at her that time" and "she's saying her hips hurt, you should have the vet check that out"), but, I mean, I considered one myself recently mostly because I needed someone who would at least pretend to be seriously invested in the discussion as I thought through quality-of-life issues but wasn't going to try to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, as a friend would.

So until we all have access to quality affordable routine mental health care, this is sometimes all there is.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:53 AM on April 3, 2019 [14 favorites]

I mostly want to know how these people do their marketing. Where you find such a steady supply of credulous people willing to drop seventy-five bucks on a twenty minute phone call?
posted by ook at 9:33 AM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]

Human credulity is an endlessly renewable resource.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:37 AM on April 3, 2019 [1 favorite]

I mean, I considered one myself recently mostly because I needed someone who would at least pretend to be seriously invested in the discussion as I thought through quality-of-life issues but wasn't going to try to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, as a friend would.

That is so understandable. The veterinary profession in general has an incredibly difficult time discussing end-of-life care with clients, but it has gotten dramatically better in the 20+ years I've been around the field. One promising area of late is veterinary social work. Our hospital has a full time LCSW, support group options, and an annual memorial ceremony. Most practices I am aware of have at least a "quiet room" that is non-clinical seeming, and is a place for discussion and visitation, in addition to being a peaceful space for euthanasia to be performed.

I don't doubt that some people may be helped by a session with an animal psychic. I'm sure most animal psychics truly believe they are doing good work. There are more rational and responsible ways to provide that help, though.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:37 AM on April 3, 2019

An interesting look at what I believe to be generally sincere but absolutely fake people. I'm convinced that they believe in their abilities.

FWIW: a couple of years ago, our little pup went through a brief stage of being very afraid to go out in the front yard, and hiding WAY more often than usual under our bed. We baffled over it for few weeks, and my wife opted to drop $75 on a "pet psychic" - I knew it was bogus, and my wife was not 100% convinced it was legit - but we gave it a shot on the off chance that despite not being actually "psychic," the lady might have some insight into options or theories that we hadn't considered. The 15-minute phone call resulted in the lady stating that she was having a hard time making a "connection" with Ziggy, but she was confident that he was happy and felt loved. As a result, she only charged us $35 for the call.

A week later, we took him to his veterinarian, who determined that he was a little "backed up" - the vet dug around, cleaned him out, and he was back to normal.
posted by davidmsc at 11:09 AM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]

Nathan Fielder "On Your Side" investigates this phenomenon in 2008. For certain worth a watch.
posted by el io at 11:33 AM on April 3, 2019 [2 favorites]

When I saw "import java.psychic.horse.*", I remembered that there is a .horse TLD you can register sites on and was disappointed to learn nobody has taken psychic.horse yet (It's $25.88 at namecheap)

Ahem.

(Also, I just found out about Lady Wonder)
posted by Katemonkey at 1:18 AM on April 4, 2019 [2 favorites]