"start with questions of maleness and masculinity and go on from there"

August 9, 2021 3:26 AM

In 2015, seven men discussed navigating masculinity in a roundtable discussion for the WisCon Chronicles (WisCon is a feminist scifi/fantasy convention they attend). "For me, my own maleness feels like an axiom, a defining property that I can’t prove or justify with analysis — and yet most of the traits that I associate with masculinity are things I’m uncomfortable with, whether or not I see those traits in myself." Participants included scifi/fantasy authors Na’amen Gobert Tilahun, David Moles, Jim Hines, and Benjamin Rosenbaum (conversation facilitated by Mary Anne Mohanraj).

Some more quotes:

I have a lot of stuff to sort through and untangle in my life, pursuant to my transition, because I had always been perceived as a “weird” gender-variant woman, and likewise if I remain true to myself I will be a “weird” gender-variant man......

It also feels like the things I love about my life should not be inherently linked to maleness at all. I appreciate that I am generally safe walking at night or that my voice is (sometimes, my color often gets in the way) heard. I like those things about being male definitely, because they grant me a respect and a safety that I enjoy and take advantage of but I also try to remember that if I participate and appreciate them without thought I am perpetuating the same system. I try to remember that my responsibility then is to try to expand those privileges to include everyone, until they are no longer privileges but basic respects expected of and from everyone. That’s why I have a problem thinking of these things as things I enjoy about being male because while I do enjoy them the other side is the responsibility of privilege.....

Do I “like” the privilege? I don’t know ..... Do I like getting to be the one to talk, to decide, the one to matter, the important one, the one whose desires have primacy and can be spoken? Well, it feels like I will die the moment it’s taken away. I don’t think that’s “like”. I resent and need it. I hate and want it.......

Maleness strikes me as a lovely little fandom, as long as folks don’t get all rigid about how to do it right or who’s allowed to join up.

Content note for mentions of sexist slurs, and for a trans participant mentioning a transphobic slur.

Disclaimer: I know a few of the participants.

posted by brainwane (4 comments total)

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posted by brainwane at 3:32 AM on August 9, 2021 [7 favorites]

Thanks for posting this. I want to take some time to read and digest it, but this kind of dissection of masculinty (especially in the context of nerd culture) is VERY welcome.
posted by rikschell at 7:01 AM on August 9, 2021 [2 favorites]

This isn't the entire reason why I'm nonbinary (the "axiom" thing holds), but a lot of masculinity just alienates me and seems counter-productive in a modern society, and terribly silly if it weren't so often destructive.

The competition and domination things are the big ones, I guess. Having something to prove, as they said. Having to be first, biggest, loudest, crudest, meanest. "Locker room talk."

The weirdest and worst to me seems to be the need to prove they have no compassion or kindness or regard for the future, because they see those things as weak and feminine, to the point of being actively destructive and callous. Likewise with intelligence -- being smart is a path for weaklings.

"I am a Phil Coulson man, not a Rambo man. "

I don't watch that much media but it seems to me like there are plenty examples of men who are caring, kind, intelligent and don't mind showing it, but don't come off as unmasculine -- men who don't really have something to prove, who aren't trying to defend their image as a Real Man, but when there is a thing that needs to be done, they do it. Competence combined with self-sacrifice and the actual caring itself are what make them heroic. But there doesn't seem to be a lot of emulation of that in society.
posted by Foosnark at 8:14 AM on August 9, 2021 [3 favorites]

Thanks for posting this-- glad to see these conversations happening.

This quote helps me understand the #notallmen kneejerk reaction a little better:

Whether it’s over-reliance on anger and control — because Real Men (TM) are always in control — or ignorance of the struggles others face, or all of the other ways I’ve stumbled over the years, it’s never fun to recognize your own failings. [...] They all heighten my awareness of gender and masculinity. I think that’s a good thing, but the process can be frustrating and painful.
posted by travertina at 5:18 PM on August 9, 2021 [1 favorite]