The Only Thing to Do Here is Walk Around the Desert
June 29, 2022 8:23 AM Subscribe
Terrible National Park Reviews (Illustrated). Designer Amber Share took one-star reviews of American National parks and “put a positive, fun spin on a negative mindset” by creating a set of travel posters.
A long time ago, my aunt hauled myself and my cousins to the Grand Canyon and I was less than impressed. It is indeed a big hole in the ground and while it is grand, it’s a big thing that took a long time to carve and *yawn* whatever.
Next year, we went to see Barringer Crater, which is considerably smaller than the Grand Canyon, but far more impressive because something blew the hell up to make that hole. I mean, seriously, the Universe decided f*** that Particular Patch Of Ground, and sent it to Poundtown in One Massive Whoop and there it is.
My fascination with Percussive Geology was the despair of my mother, who was far more interested the traditional method of feature carving.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 8:49 AM on June 29, 2022 [23 favorites]
Next year, we went to see Barringer Crater, which is considerably smaller than the Grand Canyon, but far more impressive because something blew the hell up to make that hole. I mean, seriously, the Universe decided f*** that Particular Patch Of Ground, and sent it to Poundtown in One Massive Whoop and there it is.
My fascination with Percussive Geology was the despair of my mother, who was far more interested the traditional method of feature carving.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 8:49 AM on June 29, 2022 [23 favorites]
"all I saw was a lake, mountains and some trees"
I could see that on a tombstone. Actually, now that I think of it, I could see all of them on a tombstone:
"somewhat bland"
"no wow factor"
"a hole, a very very large hole"
"there are bugs and they will bite your face"
Most of them anyway.
posted by philip-random at 9:05 AM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
I could see that on a tombstone. Actually, now that I think of it, I could see all of them on a tombstone:
"somewhat bland"
"no wow factor"
"a hole, a very very large hole"
"there are bugs and they will bite your face"
Most of them anyway.
posted by philip-random at 9:05 AM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
I got my AZ native mom the one for Saguaro National Monument that says, "Okay If You Like Cactus".
posted by djeo at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by djeo at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [14 favorites]
A Hole. A Very, Very Large Hole.
Could be worse....
People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon [arstechnica.com]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:21 AM on June 29, 2022 [14 favorites]
Could be worse....
People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon [arstechnica.com]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:21 AM on June 29, 2022 [14 favorites]
To be 100% honest, as a person who grew up in the Appalachian mountains and was almost entirely disinterested in any outdoorsy activity that did not involve an ocean, a beach and a place to read novels under an umbrella, I will admit that I find the Great Smokeys National Park Review to be entirely in line with my many childhood experiences of wishing, for once, we could have more family adventures in places with less peeing outside and more theatres, record shops and bookstores.
posted by thivaia at 9:45 AM on June 29, 2022 [13 favorites]
posted by thivaia at 9:45 AM on June 29, 2022 [13 favorites]
Although I don't hold with complaining on Yelp about nature, I do like the one that reads THERE ARE BUGS and they will bite you ON YOUR FACE. I like to think I'm reasonably used to the outdoors, but this is a lie I tell myself, and I realize it whenever I get out there and find those little bastards who swarm at your eyes and are totally unperturbed by waving arms or anything less than a fresh cloud of Off.
posted by Countess Elena at 9:52 AM on June 29, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 9:52 AM on June 29, 2022 [10 favorites]
I mean.. some of these are accurate if extremely uncharitable, but Delicate Arch in Arches looks pretty much exactly like the license plate.
Granted you do have to leave the parking lot and walk a bit to see it from the right angle, but I can't imagine how they arrived at that particular bit of feedback.
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:52 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
Granted you do have to leave the parking lot and walk a bit to see it from the right angle, but I can't imagine how they arrived at that particular bit of feedback.
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:52 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
Ubehebe* Crater in Death Valley has one of my favorite caution signs.
Also photo: See this? This is where I used to store all my Fucks. Empty now. I simply have no more Fucks to Give, about whatever you're talking about!
*ooby-heeby?
posted by bartleby at 9:55 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
Also photo: See this? This is where I used to store all my Fucks. Empty now. I simply have no more Fucks to Give, about whatever you're talking about!
*ooby-heeby?
posted by bartleby at 9:55 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
I will admit that I find the Great Smokeys National Park Review to be entirely in line with my many childhood experiences of wishing, for once, we could have more family adventures in places with less peeing outside and more theatres, record shops and bookstores.
My parents loved to hike. And hiking-based road trips were cheap-ish. I really grew to loathe the Smokies - buggy, muggy, boring, and this was the eighties/nineties so there were no real lightweight but affordable hiking clothes and we wore jeans and long sleeves in the middle of summer plus lots of bug spray to fend off the mosquitos. I was also at the age where my parents were incredibly embarrassing.
I totally could have written any of those reviews, except I probably would have said worse things.
My parents always spun this as me being too childish to appreciate the outdoors, but even now I only really like to walk in the woods in the late fall and winter when there are no bugs and there's no mud. I do appreciate scenery - a facility which suddenly developed in my late teens - but I prefer to appreciate most of it from the car. If it's Colorado or Montana or the Pacific Northwest, that's fine for walking and camping, but the humid and buggy midwest and southeast are a no-go.
posted by Frowner at 10:00 AM on June 29, 2022 [7 favorites]
My parents loved to hike. And hiking-based road trips were cheap-ish. I really grew to loathe the Smokies - buggy, muggy, boring, and this was the eighties/nineties so there were no real lightweight but affordable hiking clothes and we wore jeans and long sleeves in the middle of summer plus lots of bug spray to fend off the mosquitos. I was also at the age where my parents were incredibly embarrassing.
I totally could have written any of those reviews, except I probably would have said worse things.
My parents always spun this as me being too childish to appreciate the outdoors, but even now I only really like to walk in the woods in the late fall and winter when there are no bugs and there's no mud. I do appreciate scenery - a facility which suddenly developed in my late teens - but I prefer to appreciate most of it from the car. If it's Colorado or Montana or the Pacific Northwest, that's fine for walking and camping, but the humid and buggy midwest and southeast are a no-go.
posted by Frowner at 10:00 AM on June 29, 2022 [7 favorites]
What a hilarious idea. I love all of these parks so much. How gobsmacked I was looking at the Grand Canyon sunrise, a golden eagle surfing on the draft from the canyon at sunrise.
When the 7.2 Loma Prieta earthquake shook Santa Cruz, my best friend and I made a point to locate the epicenter and hike to it. We found the spot in The Forest of Nisene Marks, which was unincorporated park at that time. Much to our surprise, there was a pretty steady trickle of people hiking their way up to the epicenter as well. I worried about the human impact on such a gorgeous bit of pristine redwood forest. I eavesdropped on the returning trekker's conversations:
Is that all there is? There wasn't anything there! That was a waste.
I guess they were expecting a giant open chasm, like in the movies.
All they got were some huge felled redwoods and a trip through wonder and light. Que lastima. Heh.
posted by effluvia at 10:03 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]
When the 7.2 Loma Prieta earthquake shook Santa Cruz, my best friend and I made a point to locate the epicenter and hike to it. We found the spot in The Forest of Nisene Marks, which was unincorporated park at that time. Much to our surprise, there was a pretty steady trickle of people hiking their way up to the epicenter as well. I worried about the human impact on such a gorgeous bit of pristine redwood forest. I eavesdropped on the returning trekker's conversations:
Is that all there is? There wasn't anything there! That was a waste.
I guess they were expecting a giant open chasm, like in the movies.
All they got were some huge felled redwoods and a trip through wonder and light. Que lastima. Heh.
posted by effluvia at 10:03 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]
These are available as prints and I really want one. They tickle me.
posted by Kitteh at 10:14 AM on June 29, 2022
posted by Kitteh at 10:14 AM on June 29, 2022
To be 100% honest, as a person who grew up in the Appalachian mountains and was almost entirely disinterested in any outdoorsy activity that did not involve an ocean, a beach and a place to read novels under an umbrella,
This is a highly embarrassing story, but the first time I saw the Appalachian mountains I was visiting someone I met online. And I went and did the damn fool thing of taking a cross country Greyhound trip which left me all kinds of out of sorts and bamboozled.
Anyway, at some point during the visit they asked very earnestly "So how do you like our mountains?" and, well...
...well, I grew up around mountains like the Sierras, Cascades and even a bit of the Rockies. I grew up hiking some pretty tall peaks with my dad, and so I was straining my eyes looking for snow capped peaks with a tree line and bare, craggy tops.
And I looked to where they were pointing and even stood up on my toes looking through the haze and light clouds above the peaks they were pointing at for the kinds of treeless peaks I was used to, and then I innocently and sincerely said something like a total Asperger-spectrum dumbass "Where? What mountains?" and I'm pretty sure they thought I was fucking with them or being an intentionally snooty asshole or something.
No, no, I was sincerely and innocently confused, sheltered and just not familiar with that part of the world or the history of the Appalachians and how they were A) actual mountains and B) very old, worn down mountains of a sort that I just wasn't used to, or even that they were indeed the biggest mountains in that part of the US or anywhere east of the Rockies.
I still feel incredibly sheepish about that outright doofus moment and it was a learning experience that I still use today to check myself and perspective on the world when people want to share about something or point out something like that and to take a few moments to think about things before I open my silly mouth and put my foot right in it.
posted by loquacious at 10:14 AM on June 29, 2022 [19 favorites]
This is a highly embarrassing story, but the first time I saw the Appalachian mountains I was visiting someone I met online. And I went and did the damn fool thing of taking a cross country Greyhound trip which left me all kinds of out of sorts and bamboozled.
Anyway, at some point during the visit they asked very earnestly "So how do you like our mountains?" and, well...
...well, I grew up around mountains like the Sierras, Cascades and even a bit of the Rockies. I grew up hiking some pretty tall peaks with my dad, and so I was straining my eyes looking for snow capped peaks with a tree line and bare, craggy tops.
And I looked to where they were pointing and even stood up on my toes looking through the haze and light clouds above the peaks they were pointing at for the kinds of treeless peaks I was used to, and then I innocently and sincerely said something like a total Asperger-spectrum dumbass "Where? What mountains?" and I'm pretty sure they thought I was fucking with them or being an intentionally snooty asshole or something.
No, no, I was sincerely and innocently confused, sheltered and just not familiar with that part of the world or the history of the Appalachians and how they were A) actual mountains and B) very old, worn down mountains of a sort that I just wasn't used to, or even that they were indeed the biggest mountains in that part of the US or anywhere east of the Rockies.
I still feel incredibly sheepish about that outright doofus moment and it was a learning experience that I still use today to check myself and perspective on the world when people want to share about something or point out something like that and to take a few moments to think about things before I open my silly mouth and put my foot right in it.
posted by loquacious at 10:14 AM on June 29, 2022 [19 favorites]
I still feel incredibly sheepish about that outright doofus moment
Rewind that sentiment, because you were entirely correct -- they are just big hills. The Santa Cruz "mountains" near me, are also just big hills. They're just hills, and I will die on this hill.
Just hills.
posted by aramaic at 10:33 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
Rewind that sentiment, because you were entirely correct -- they are just big hills. The Santa Cruz "mountains" near me, are also just big hills. They're just hills, and I will die on this hill.
Just hills.
posted by aramaic at 10:33 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
I prompted a GPT-3 model with a few of these and got some new ones:
Glacier: Just a big pile of snow
Grand Canyon: Not as grand as it's made out to be
Zion: Ha, more like Boredom National Park
Yellowstone: Bison are lazy and overrated
Grand Teton: Why bother when you can just drive through Wyoming?
Rocky Mountain: You'll be disappointed if you're looking for mountains
Great Smoky Mountains: It's just smoky
posted by credulous at 10:38 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]
Glacier: Just a big pile of snow
Grand Canyon: Not as grand as it's made out to be
Zion: Ha, more like Boredom National Park
Yellowstone: Bison are lazy and overrated
Grand Teton: Why bother when you can just drive through Wyoming?
Rocky Mountain: You'll be disappointed if you're looking for mountains
Great Smoky Mountains: It's just smoky
posted by credulous at 10:38 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]
Valley of Fire State Park: Nothing's Actually On Fire.
posted by SPrintF at 10:41 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 10:41 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]
My wife and I reserve our "I mean, if you like that sort of thing, I guess" for only the most beautiful views. Works best when there are people around who can hear us and not be sure if we're joking.
No, no, I was sincerely and innocently confused, sheltered and just not familiar with that part of the world or the history of the Appalachians and how they were A) actual mountains and B) very old, worn down mountains of a sort that I just wasn't used to, or even that they were indeed the biggest mountains in that part of the US or anywhere east of the Rockies.
There was a thread almost a year ago about (what's left of) the Appalachians that gets into some other incomprehensibly old mountain ranges too.
posted by fedward at 10:58 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
No, no, I was sincerely and innocently confused, sheltered and just not familiar with that part of the world or the history of the Appalachians and how they were A) actual mountains and B) very old, worn down mountains of a sort that I just wasn't used to, or even that they were indeed the biggest mountains in that part of the US or anywhere east of the Rockies.
There was a thread almost a year ago about (what's left of) the Appalachians that gets into some other incomprehensibly old mountain ranges too.
posted by fedward at 10:58 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
It was only the other day I learned that I was born -- literally, the hospital and the downtown were built -- near the crater of an enormous stratovolcano. Thing is, it had its day about 70 million years ago, and now there are a lot of hills and absolutely zero scenery, unless you count a nice fenced field with some cows, or a kudzu-eaten bluff.
That's how I feel about the Great Smoky Mountains and Appalachian scenery. It's worthy of private awe and infinite study, but if you want it to take your breath away, well, that's why they built the coaster.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:07 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
That's how I feel about the Great Smoky Mountains and Appalachian scenery. It's worthy of private awe and infinite study, but if you want it to take your breath away, well, that's why they built the coaster.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:07 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
I love how National Parks remind people that it's not about you, the person. In a world where people decry how everything is touristy and fake and inauthentic, there's something _real_ about being confronted with the fact that Nature does not care about you, or whether you get your perfect family vacation or not.
You're the one who decided to visit the bugs in Sequoia, not the other way around.
The fog in SF is the feature!
posted by meowzilla at 11:34 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]
You're the one who decided to visit the bugs in Sequoia, not the other way around.
The fog in SF is the feature!
posted by meowzilla at 11:34 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]
I like to think I'm reasonably used to the outdoors, but this is a lie I tell myself, and I realize it whenever I get out there and find those little bastards who swarm at your eyes and are totally unperturbed by waving arms or anything less than a fresh cloud of Off.
To paraphrase Mike Tyson, everyone's a badass until the ladybugs start biting them.
(happened to me in Big Bend National Park in the early 90s. who knew they bite?)
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 11:40 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
To paraphrase Mike Tyson, everyone's a badass until the ladybugs start biting them.
(happened to me in Big Bend National Park in the early 90s. who knew they bite?)
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 11:40 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
At a NY state park I witnessed a yellowjacket methodically saw off a slice of my half-eaten chicken wing, and come back for seconds and thirds. I kept a slo-mo video around, just in case one day I end up sleeping too much.
posted by credulous at 11:43 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by credulous at 11:43 AM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]
Could be worse....
People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon
posted by Mchelly at 11:43 AM on June 29, 2022 [23 favorites]
People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon
… a different germ that has been savagely hollowing out innards at a pace many orders of magnitude faster than the Colorado River gutted the southwestern section of the Colorado Plateau. Amid the smoothly carved buttes and intricately chiseled chasms serenely shaped over eons, park-goers are blowing chunks from both ends in hot seconds. And instead of reaching both the North and South Rims during their visits, some are forced to remain perched on the edge of a far smaller basinThat’s some good writing there.
posted by Mchelly at 11:43 AM on June 29, 2022 [23 favorites]
People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon
Cursed Simon and Garfunkel lyric.
posted by PlusDistance at 11:50 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
Cursed Simon and Garfunkel lyric.
posted by PlusDistance at 11:50 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
Nature biting you In Your Face has a different feel when it’s on your perfectly civilized and decorated patio (or even your trashy, garbage strewn patio) because it’s your damn patio and seriously, f*** those bugs who don’t pay rent or mortgage, the lazy bloodsuckers.
When in you’re in Nature”s house, though, the Park Service really should be doing something, so write your bloodsucking Congresscritter, because eff those bugs. It’s MY face they’re biting.
/Karen
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 12:16 PM on June 29, 2022
When in you’re in Nature”s house, though, the Park Service really should be doing something, so write your bloodsucking Congresscritter, because eff those bugs. It’s MY face they’re biting.
/Karen
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 12:16 PM on June 29, 2022
When in you’re in Nature”s house, though, the Park Service really should be doing something, so write your bloodsucking Congresscritter, because eff those bugs. It’s MY face they’re biting.
OMG, the biting midges in Shenandoah National Park last year were intense. I had welts for like a week after we got home. A ranger told us the bear population had a huge problem with mange last year, and I can see why. I wonder if bears have anybody they can write.
posted by fedward at 12:53 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
OMG, the biting midges in Shenandoah National Park last year were intense. I had welts for like a week after we got home. A ranger told us the bear population had a huge problem with mange last year, and I can see why. I wonder if bears have anybody they can write.
posted by fedward at 12:53 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
The Only Thing to Do Here is Walk Around the Desert
True, but on peyote, is my understanding.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:11 PM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
True, but on peyote, is my understanding.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:11 PM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
park-goers are blowing chunks from both ends
As my brother likes to say, "everybody out! Both exits!"
posted by kirkaracha at 1:12 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
As my brother likes to say, "everybody out! Both exits!"
posted by kirkaracha at 1:12 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon.
[Butte/butt joke]
posted by medusa at 1:15 PM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
[Butte/butt joke]
posted by medusa at 1:15 PM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
The fog in SF is the feature!
Please his name is Karl.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:16 PM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
Please his name is Karl.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:16 PM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
Just in time for the Brooks Falls Bearcam Annual Wagering
posted by hwyengr at 1:18 PM on June 29, 2022
posted by hwyengr at 1:18 PM on June 29, 2022
Yellowstone: Bison are lazy and overrated
Remember: the word bore rhymes with gore.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:20 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
Remember: the word bore rhymes with gore.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:20 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
So, lest anyone else be tempted to try it, it turns out that these are really crappy DALL-E mini prompts. Alas.
posted by straw at 2:33 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by straw at 2:33 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
Toad Suck Park: false advertising
One of my high school math teachers, who came by the ubiquitous nickname Arky honestly, had a whole saga about the time he and a group of drunken friends had made a trek to steal the sign from Toad Suck Ferry. It involved a lot of vomiting, which given the other elements of this thread feels strangely appropriate.
posted by firechicago at 3:27 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
One of my high school math teachers, who came by the ubiquitous nickname Arky honestly, had a whole saga about the time he and a group of drunken friends had made a trek to steal the sign from Toad Suck Ferry. It involved a lot of vomiting, which given the other elements of this thread feels strangely appropriate.
posted by firechicago at 3:27 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
places with less peeing outside and more theatres, record shops and bookstores.
The National Park Service should take note of this potential opportunity and open Greenwich Village National Historic Park. Within its boundaries, cult/cineaste video rental places (whose workers all know film history) abut used book stores with paperbacks stacked throughout their winding rooms and spilling out onto the sidewalk. Gutterpunks read dog-eared books about hieroglyphics, the mainstream record store glares at the alternative/underground record store across the street, and inside the comic book shop, park rangers camouflaged in too-short-and-tight T-shirts will talk your ear off about Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol. Send a post card! ("Wish you were cool enough to be here, mom and dad") Try your strength and agility by helping someone move crates of LPs from one fifth-floor walkup to another! Down at Cafe Wha? there's folk music all day by that one depressed guy looking for his cat. And if you're missing the national park back-country experience, there's still peeing outside here too.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 3:38 PM on June 29, 2022 [13 favorites]
The National Park Service should take note of this potential opportunity and open Greenwich Village National Historic Park. Within its boundaries, cult/cineaste video rental places (whose workers all know film history) abut used book stores with paperbacks stacked throughout their winding rooms and spilling out onto the sidewalk. Gutterpunks read dog-eared books about hieroglyphics, the mainstream record store glares at the alternative/underground record store across the street, and inside the comic book shop, park rangers camouflaged in too-short-and-tight T-shirts will talk your ear off about Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol. Send a post card! ("Wish you were cool enough to be here, mom and dad") Try your strength and agility by helping someone move crates of LPs from one fifth-floor walkup to another! Down at Cafe Wha? there's folk music all day by that one depressed guy looking for his cat. And if you're missing the national park back-country experience, there's still peeing outside here too.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 3:38 PM on June 29, 2022 [13 favorites]
Huh, guess I'm the only person here who finds the Appalachian mountains absolutely beautiful? Yes, they might not have the same elevation, but there are still plenty of fun scrambling to be had (if not on par with what's available out west), and there is no shortage of pretty waterfalls, primeval forests, and so on. The one that made me laugh out loud was the Smoky Mountains "Nothing Specific to Do" - clearly someone strayed too far from Gaitlinburg.
Anyway, I don't begrudge anyone for not being outdoorsy, but I do find it funny how non-outdoorsy people often expect national parks to be somehow not the outdoors. And while some parks have some fairly epic experiences that don't require getting out of your car (RMNP's Trail Ridge Road is a good example), most parks I've been to really require that you actually, you know, hike, ideally with a very early start to avoid the heat - they are not attractions like museums where you can just show up at any time with zero prep and have a good time. I'd assume most of these were written by people who just ambled over to various look outs from the road (i.e. "scenery is distant" "a hole, a very large hole" "trees block view")
(oh, head nets for bugs, while dorky, are a pretty great solution)
posted by coffeecat at 3:53 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
Anyway, I don't begrudge anyone for not being outdoorsy, but I do find it funny how non-outdoorsy people often expect national parks to be somehow not the outdoors. And while some parks have some fairly epic experiences that don't require getting out of your car (RMNP's Trail Ridge Road is a good example), most parks I've been to really require that you actually, you know, hike, ideally with a very early start to avoid the heat - they are not attractions like museums where you can just show up at any time with zero prep and have a good time. I'd assume most of these were written by people who just ambled over to various look outs from the road (i.e. "scenery is distant" "a hole, a very large hole" "trees block view")
(oh, head nets for bugs, while dorky, are a pretty great solution)
posted by coffeecat at 3:53 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]
I’m only calling this out because we had a thread about ableism recently. And because I know loquacious is easily a good enough writer to avoid this sort of hurtful simile.
I'm sorry, you're right.
To be clear I am very much the singular individual that has an official diagnoses of Asperger's who is the singular dumbass being referenced. There's nothing ableist being implied and I'm not making light or punching down, I'm describing solely my own personal state of being and feelings and why I'm often a socially clueless doofus. Please give me room to be self deprecating and describe myself and my personal feelings. I have a long and complicated personal history with a lot of social awkwardness.
I feel sheepish about and I am sharing this feeling about this particular interaction specifically because people often think I'm being intentionally clever, pointed or worse, much worse, that I'm being intentionally judgemental, witheringly condescending, negative or outright hurtful and the whole point of why I felt like or behaved like a total blockhead and the whole point of my comment was because it wasn't my intent to hurt anyone's feelings about something they loved or appreciated.
Or take it for granted. Or expect something more, or anything. To take a moment to actually actively look and listen even if I was innocently confused.
I'm not. I just have a bad habit of saying confusing, unclear things while asking a genuine if rather confused question that come across as cold, weird or or brusque at best.
And that brings me to a living example of being awkward lol:
Huh, guess I'm the only person here who finds the Appalachian mountains absolutely beautiful? Yes, they might not have the same elevation, but there are still plenty of fun scrambling to be had (if not on par with what's available out west), and there is no shortage of pretty waterfalls, primeval forests, and so on. The one that made me laugh out loud was the Smoky Mountains "Nothing Specific to Do" - clearly someone strayed too far from Gaitlinburg.
Oh no, I didn't dislike them at all! What I saw of them was really nice and pretty and green and I thought they were gorgeous. They were interestingly rugged and I liked everything I saw. I didn't really have enough time to get out into them or really appreciate them. I liked learning about the geologic history.
And I've definitely seen a lot of cool pictures all over that area and I'm not unfamiliar with how pretty and wild it can be. I'm not totally unfamiliar with the geologic or cultural history or what it is. I didn't think of them as "lesser than" anything at all and that wasn't the point of my anecdote.
No, the whole point of my anecdote was a really awkward exchange that involved syntax and my own provincial thinking and expectations getting in the way of seeing or appreciating something as it is. "Taller than" wasn't supposed to mean "better than" at all.
This is all on point, inspired by and relevant to the post, IE, "what's the big deal about the Grand Canyon? It's just a hole in the ground!" or "The only thing to do here is walk around the desert!"
posted by loquacious at 7:13 PM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
I'm sorry, you're right.
To be clear I am very much the singular individual that has an official diagnoses of Asperger's who is the singular dumbass being referenced. There's nothing ableist being implied and I'm not making light or punching down, I'm describing solely my own personal state of being and feelings and why I'm often a socially clueless doofus. Please give me room to be self deprecating and describe myself and my personal feelings. I have a long and complicated personal history with a lot of social awkwardness.
I feel sheepish about and I am sharing this feeling about this particular interaction specifically because people often think I'm being intentionally clever, pointed or worse, much worse, that I'm being intentionally judgemental, witheringly condescending, negative or outright hurtful and the whole point of why I felt like or behaved like a total blockhead and the whole point of my comment was because it wasn't my intent to hurt anyone's feelings about something they loved or appreciated.
Or take it for granted. Or expect something more, or anything. To take a moment to actually actively look and listen even if I was innocently confused.
I'm not. I just have a bad habit of saying confusing, unclear things while asking a genuine if rather confused question that come across as cold, weird or or brusque at best.
And that brings me to a living example of being awkward lol:
Huh, guess I'm the only person here who finds the Appalachian mountains absolutely beautiful? Yes, they might not have the same elevation, but there are still plenty of fun scrambling to be had (if not on par with what's available out west), and there is no shortage of pretty waterfalls, primeval forests, and so on. The one that made me laugh out loud was the Smoky Mountains "Nothing Specific to Do" - clearly someone strayed too far from Gaitlinburg.
Oh no, I didn't dislike them at all! What I saw of them was really nice and pretty and green and I thought they were gorgeous. They were interestingly rugged and I liked everything I saw. I didn't really have enough time to get out into them or really appreciate them. I liked learning about the geologic history.
And I've definitely seen a lot of cool pictures all over that area and I'm not unfamiliar with how pretty and wild it can be. I'm not totally unfamiliar with the geologic or cultural history or what it is. I didn't think of them as "lesser than" anything at all and that wasn't the point of my anecdote.
No, the whole point of my anecdote was a really awkward exchange that involved syntax and my own provincial thinking and expectations getting in the way of seeing or appreciating something as it is. "Taller than" wasn't supposed to mean "better than" at all.
This is all on point, inspired by and relevant to the post, IE, "what's the big deal about the Grand Canyon? It's just a hole in the ground!" or "The only thing to do here is walk around the desert!"
posted by loquacious at 7:13 PM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]
Harvey Kilobit, I know you’re joking, but thirteen-year-old me would have found this to be her everything
posted by thivaia at 7:21 PM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by thivaia at 7:21 PM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]
I will never have anything but good feelings for Pacific Rim National Park, on the central west coast of Vancouver Island (so, not a U.S. national park). On a vacation many, many years ago, we pulled off the road a few miles short of the park, hoping to save a few bucks on campground fees. Stepping out of our Vanagon resulted in immediate assault by surely every mosquito south of Campbell River. We pretty much confirmed this when we gave up, fled to the national park, and saw hardly any of those nasty bugs.
posted by lhauser at 7:39 PM on June 29, 2022
posted by lhauser at 7:39 PM on June 29, 2022
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posted by Quasirandom at 8:35 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]