Where are all the assheads?

June 29, 2022 9:27 AM

Colin Morris scraped 15 years of Reddit comments to perform a detailed analysis of the frequencies of compound-word insults. The results are presented in the document Compound pejoratives on Reddit – from buttface to wankpuffin.
posted by dfan (87 comments total)

Where have all the assheads gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all stinkbags gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the bumwads gone?
The girls have picked them every one.
Oh, When will you ever learn?
Oh, When will you ever learn?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 9:30 AM on June 29, 2022 [12 favorites]

I’d like to see meta- and -filter added to the analysis.
posted by michaelh at 9:42 AM on June 29, 2022

I note that liblib is well represented. And I am confused. I'm not sure I want to know.
posted by eotvos at 9:48 AM on June 29, 2022

I’d like to see meta- and -filter added to the analysis.

Metawaffle may just be what I make for breakfast this weekend.

Metagoblin is perhaps the punchline to a D&D joke
posted by nubs at 9:52 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Where have all the assheads gone?

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo...
posted by stevis23 at 9:57 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

[Looks around at general state of things]

Pretty sure we are all stocked up on assheads.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:06 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Metawaffle may just be what I make for breakfast this weekend.

Don't try straining your coffee through an assFilter, though.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:16 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Pretty sure we are all stocked up on assheads.

The Russians may be ahead on total number of buttrockets, but the US reportedly has more working assheads.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:19 AM on June 29, 2022 [7 favorites]

I run a large NYC-based sub and after reading this over I am beside myself that we've largely represented "dumbass" and not more "dorkburger." There is the occasional "assclown," but that's largely deployed by me.
posted by Captaintripps at 10:29 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

oh this is my jizzgarlin' wheelhouse, for SURE
posted by lalochezia at 10:30 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]

As I commented in the Reddit thread, you can make some fun and novel insults by putting the suffixes first:

• assdumb
• shitdip
• hatass
• suckercock
• clownass
• waffletwat

posted by The Tensor at 10:33 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]

I never really thought about this before, but the fact that shit and fuck are both so productive makes me wonder why "shiftfuck" and "fuckshit" aren't common epithets.
posted by adamrice at 10:34 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

soyboi
posted by Literaryhero at 10:35 AM on June 29, 2022

After looking over the matrix shown in the article, I have to say there's not enough scumwits, dirttards, Trumpgoblins, or wankclowns.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:35 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

It must not go unremarked that the Wiktionary entry for wankpuffin gives its etymology as "Shitgibbon of wank +‎ puffin." Shitgibbon itself being (besides 1. (slang, derogatory, vulgar) a contemptible person),

2. (linguistics) A type of antibacchic compound word used as an insult, consisting of a single-syllable expletive, followed by an absurd or innocuous two-syllable noun as a trochee.

posted by a car full of lions at 10:36 AM on June 29, 2022 [15 favorites]

Christ, what an expletivetrochee.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on June 29, 2022 [8 favorites]

Is ass clown really ever found without no-talent as a prefix?
posted by tommasz at 10:54 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]

Is an asshat what goes on an asshead?
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:00 AM on June 29, 2022

Why does buttclown fail where assclown succeeds?

Mah nishtana halayla hazeh?
posted by lalochezia at 11:03 AM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]

Surprising lack of cunts for reddit.
posted by onya at 11:04 AM on June 29, 2022

Neat that all the prefixes are one-syllable. The suffixes are a mix of 1 and 2 syllable.

I'd love to take a look at the more remote corners of the matrix. All of the prefixes given in the article are nsfw. What are some pg or g-rated prefixes? (For the times when you don't need the shock value and just want to have the funny?)

For example, "broom" makes a nice prefix. Broomhat, broomlord, broomwit.....
posted by storybored at 11:04 AM on June 29, 2022

I'm strangely fond of least- or never- used “dumbgoblin,” “dipwaffle,” and “dirtwit.”
posted by D.Billy at 11:06 AM on June 29, 2022

1. Don't try straining your coffee through an assFilter, though.

For me that typically happens about 20 minutes later.

2. Shitgibbon! I was trying so hard to remember this one, which I first encountered in (I think) a tweet by a Scot
addressed to some American shitgibbon for a typically douchenozzley remark about (I think) Scotland and Brexit.

3. Does anyone remember the delightful journal Maledicta? The founder is dead now, but this would be an opportune time for someone to revive it.
posted by scratch at 11:09 AM on June 29, 2022 [8 favorites]

A ha ha, this is extremely my lane.

Note, "ass face" remains two words.
posted by rhizome at 11:10 AM on June 29, 2022

tommasz, I think "no-talent ass clown" is inescapably redundant.
posted by scratch at 11:11 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

Buttmuffin Über Alles
posted by y2karl at 11:14 AM on June 29, 2022

Looking at the visualizations, I think we should all agree to start using the combinations with the lightest color yellow as much as possible.
posted by rhizome at 11:24 AM on June 29, 2022

I've told this story before, am telling it again -

Back in the summer of 2016, I was in Paris for a week, and was in conversation with a French guy and we were talking about Trump (who was then still just campaigning, and I assured him that no, I was not a supporter). This was at the time when there was that famous list of insults Scots were flinging at Sir Trump, one of the most famous of which called him a "tiny-fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret-wearing shitgibbon". I showed it to him, and he chuckled, blinking at it a couple times - but then I saw him pull out his phone and call up Google Translate, and start typing "shitgibbon" into it.

"Uh....no," I said stopping him, "I don't think they would know this." Then there followed a weird sort of David Sedaris/Eddie Izzard moment as I tried to define it in my limited French: "You know 'merdre', and that is 'shit,' and 'gibbon' is...it is the small monkey, it has the very long arms, and...."

Now I wanna see this data analysis done exclusively on Scottish comments. I have a feeling we would have a much greater variety.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:35 AM on June 29, 2022 [9 favorites]

No love for cumbubble? Am disappoint. ☹️
posted by Thorzdad at 11:35 AM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

Hee, I just looked back up a couple of them -

jizztrumpet
fucktrumpet
Pumkinfart
fuckstick
helmethair
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:36 AM on June 29, 2022

Team dorkburger!
posted by piyushnz at 11:44 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

After looking over the matrix shown in the article, I have to say there's not enough scumwits, dirttards, Trumpgoblins, or wankclowns.

I have not investigated this thoroughly but nonetheless I am *HIGHLY* confident that the world has at least as many wankclowns as might be for whatever reasons necessary.

Good lord, normal clowns are scary enough.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 11:44 AM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Well, they say be the change you want to see in the world , so I shall strive to get the numbers up for "poopgoblin." I suspect I can raise this pejorative's profile just by using it towards my cats alone.
posted by Kitteh at 11:45 AM on June 29, 2022 [3 favorites]

Metafilter: Talented ass-clowns.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:52 AM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]

I'm scared to ask why "assass" is used so frequently.
posted by lock robster at 11:53 AM on June 29, 2022

This was a fun read. I wish there were time domain data in the dataset, though. I'd have loved to see usage changes over time, especially given the long history and eventual mainstreaming of Reddit and the increase in participation by children. There must be some neat little trends over time that would be wonderful for slightly less baseless conjecture!
posted by majick at 12:00 PM on June 29, 2022

Dumbplatypus
Pisslavalier
Shitmetaphor

I'm not doing this right, am I?
posted by biogeo at 12:00 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

Shitass and buttass are both higher than I expected but not as high as they should be.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:01 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

I've always been partial to "asshat." Is it a hat made from a human posterior? Is it a hat worn on the human posterior? Is it one of those little straw hats you sometimes see donkeys wear in the summertime? WE DON'T KNOW! It's one of those little mysteries that makes like interesting.

The first time I was ever punished in school, it was for calling one of my classmates "dumbhead" after he grabbed a toy out of my hands and hit me with it in Kindergarten. The reason it stuck in my mind is that the teacher wrote "Called Jamie dumbhead" in the demerit book, in those exact words, and it looked so ridiculous. I asked her what was wrong with "dumbhead," and she told me that calling anybody any name was inexcusable. Apparently more inexcusable than physical violence, since Jamie didn't get any demerits for that. I would like to state for the record that my Kindergarten teacher was a massive dumbhead.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:02 PM on June 29, 2022 [19 favorites]

I've always been partial to "asshat." Is it a hat made from a human posterior? Is it a hat worn on the human posterior? Is it one of those little straw hats you sometimes see donkeys wear in the summertime? WE DON'T KNOW!

Actually, we do! It's meant to imply that someone's head is so far up their ass that their ass is now serving as a hat.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:07 PM on June 29, 2022 [11 favorites]

onya: Surprising lack of cunts for reddit.

The phrase has been discuntinued for some time.
posted by dr_dank at 12:07 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

While not on the list, I recently mistyped the word “cocktail” as “cockrail” and found my new favorite insult. Sort of like how penicillin was discovered by accident.
posted by vorpal bunny at 12:29 PM on June 29, 2022 [11 favorites]

I have not investigated this thoroughly but nonetheless I am *HIGHLY* confident that the world has at least as many wankclowns as might be for whatever reasons necessary.

A cursory awareness of current British politics will confirm this.
posted by acb at 12:30 PM on June 29, 2022

Sort of like how penicillin was discovered by accident.

A similar one is cockstar, which would be someone who considers themself a (literal or metaphorical) rockstar but is actually a dick.
posted by acb at 12:31 PM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]

Now they're some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of wankclown
when there's no one around, uh
Oh yeah, baby
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 12:33 PM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]

The Underpants Monster, if it lends any cosmic balance to the world, I got in trouble for the first time ever in kindergarten for hitting a kid (lightly) on the head with a wooden block, but in my defense, he was being a dumbhead.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:34 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

I've always been partial to "asshat."

I wonder what the process is that “legitimates” these. A lot of the more novel compounds - the “fucksticks” and “shitgibbons” - have an air of trying too hard. People still do it of course but other people will tell you it’s uncool, makes you sound like a specific kind of 2010s Twitter guy. But something as ridiculous as “asshat” is… maybe dated in a way but also has survived the years?

If I had to guess it would be that some of these appeared in pop culture and basically became catchphrases but I don’t know.
posted by atoxyl at 12:53 PM on June 29, 2022

A similar one is cockstar, which would be someone who considers themself a (literal or metaphorical) rockstar but is actually a dick.

you know, my mind went somewhere else with this one...
posted by piyushnz at 12:53 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'd like to nominate "Chucklefuck" for recognition.
posted by Ziabatsu at 1:08 PM on June 29, 2022 [11 favorites]

Actually, we do! It's meant to imply that someone's head is so far up their ass that their ass is now serving as a hat.

Years ago someone noted that a particular person had their head up their ass. I asked, if it was so far up their ass, did it pop out their mouth? Sort of an anatomical Klein bottle conundrum.
posted by njohnson23 at 1:12 PM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]

I have to say there's not enough scumwits, dirttards, Trumpgoblins, or wankclowns.


Seventy million of them, at last count.
posted by darkstar at 1:14 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

I once thought that “hitler” would make a good swear trochee, as in “wankhitler” or “arsehitler”.
posted by acb at 1:40 PM on June 29, 2022

I heard there was a team at Google that tried applying machine learning to this field but the resulting prejoratives were so devastating they had to scrap the whole project.
posted by dephlogisticated at 1:53 PM on June 29, 2022

Why isn't cat on this list?
Dogs drool, cats rule. As anyone who has ever cleaned a litter box knows.
I vote for catbreath. Also, catshit, catsup, caticorner and cattywampus.
Also, dipstick is both a real thing and SFW.
I think I'll let myself out of this bearcat of a thread.
posted by TrishaU at 2:01 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

No love for cumbubble? Am disappoint. ☹️

We already have Santorum.
posted by condour75 at 2:21 PM on June 29, 2022 [5 favorites]

I'd like to nominate "Chucklefuck" for recognition.
posted by Ziabatsu at 1:08 PM on June 29 [+] [!]

"Chuclefuckers" are people who sleep with comedians.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:45 PM on June 29, 2022 [8 favorites]

We prepend jingle to expletives around Christmas if someone or something is a bit much on the Christmassy-ness. e.g. jinglefuck (a person, usually used second-person), jingleshit (person, thing, or concept), jinglewank (thing or concept but not person), etc.
posted by Dysk at 2:46 PM on June 29, 2022 [6 favorites]

I’d like to see meta- and -filter added to the analysis.

Or get both great tastes in one classic AskMe thread: Gimme some nicknames. Dorks. (later made into a major motion picture YouTube video starring jessamyn and cortex)
posted by hangashore at 2:55 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

This reminds me of the 'badass-{noun}' vs. 'bad-ass{noun}' discussion.

Also, somebody has to have come up with 'Bladdermouth' by now.

And who can forget Mel Gibson in 'Arseheart'?
posted by zaixfeep at 3:50 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

jingleberry
posted by y2karl at 4:32 PM on June 29, 2022

CATDOG!
posted by Windopaene at 4:32 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Dogstick comes in with around 10 mentions. I don't see the insult. Is it a cat thing?
posted by B3taCatScan at 4:36 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

TrishaU, I think there’s “catshitinsane” for people behaviorally affected by toxoplasma gondii.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:44 PM on June 29, 2022 [4 favorites]

In Australian English, “dog” is used as a pejorative particle; i.e., “dog c__t” is a rather offensive thing to call someone.
posted by acb at 4:50 PM on June 29, 2022

Don't try straining your coffee through an assFilter, though.

That's civet coffee. It's pre-assfiltered.
posted by bryon at 4:59 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

OMG, that insult video is comedy gold. I think I ruptured something laughing.

"Myron?"
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:54 PM on June 29, 2022

Here for the statistically unlikely skeezepuffin

(yes, it's another shitgibbon - like spunktrumpet and cockwomble - but a very rare one. Maybe it's a pokemon they kept hidden?)
posted by scruss at 6:40 PM on June 29, 2022

Don't try straining your coffee through an assFilter, though.

Isn't that what kopi luwak is?
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:42 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

I think that's more of an ass-morphosis though
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:51 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Is an asshat what goes on an asshead?

This makes me want to go see if I can find my old Kingdom of Loathing login.
posted by solotoro at 9:28 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

Way back in high school I was once called a weeniewhiffer during a game of dodgeball. Imagine my chagrin that it wasn't included in the list somewhere.
posted by davelog at 9:55 PM on June 29, 2022 [2 favorites]

I dunno. For me, this particular style of cutesy, Too-Clever-by-Half internet swearing reached its past-due date right at the exact same moment that the worst tweet of all time was being sent out into the ether.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:57 PM on June 29, 2022 [1 favorite]

Oh man I had never seen that tweet and it is in fact horrific.

Guy can't even figure out a cromulent way to use cromulent. It's just word salad.
posted by Dysk at 12:11 AM on June 30, 2022

First, they came for the assheads, but I'm not an asshead...
posted by DreamerFi at 3:25 AM on June 30, 2022

Beavis & Butthead was pretty good at compound-word and similar insults. It's been too long since I've seen the show but "buttburgler" was a favorite.
posted by neuron at 8:56 AM on June 30, 2022

I had a terrible coworker years ago that I needed new insults for, leading me to add “chudnut” and “chunkhead” to my lexicon.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 10:08 AM on June 30, 2022

“Chunkhead” sounds like “lunkhead”, a long-established mild insult in American English. (If I had to guess what lunk was, I'd guess some kind of lead ballast or something that substitutes poorly for brains or common sense.)
posted by acb at 10:18 AM on June 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

I tend to shy away from compounds with a repeated consonant sound in the middle, e.g. "crappile." Just doesn't have the same flow.

That probably makes me some kind of nerfherder.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:33 AM on June 30, 2022

If I had to guess what lunk was ...

Origin of lunkhead
1850–55, Americanism; lunk (perhaps blend of lump and hunk) + head
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:41 AM on June 30, 2022

I had a terrible coworker years ago that I needed new insults for, leading me to add “chudnut” and “chunkhead” to my lexicon.

Back in my 20s I was exceptionally frustrated with my boss at an old job and blurted out to my roommate that my boss was being "an anal puckyhead."

I was not able to define the term "puckyhead" when questioned. Nor am I able to now. I can only report that at the time, that was what felt right.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:38 AM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Who are you calling a cootie queen you lintlicker?
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:38 PM on June 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Little Pete from the Adventures of Pete and Pete would like a word.

Several, actually.
posted by MrVisible at 3:06 PM on June 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Turdlilters.

Way back in high school I was once called a weeniewhiffer during a game of dodgeball. Imagine my chagrin that it wasn't included in the list somewhere.

It's too subtle, the assumption is that the weenie activities wouldn't stop there. In for a penny, in for a pound. Pennypounder?
posted by rhizome at 6:40 PM on June 30, 2022

I, unfortunately, did not make the lists, with by labeling a few trolls shitmouth.
posted by oldnumberseven at 2:43 AM on July 1, 2022

shitgibbon is a satisfying arrangement of sounds, but I feel guilt for dragging an innocent relative into the fray.. what did the gibbons do to deserve this
posted by elkevelvet at 10:10 AM on July 3, 2022

They know what they did.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:23 AM on July 3, 2022 [1 favorite]

They saw a hedgehog?
posted by y2karl at 2:10 PM on July 4, 2022