A prison in Brazil uses guard geese to provide security.

June 5, 2024 4:44 PM

They have zero loyalty, even to the people who feed them every single day. Dogs napped too much and were susceptible to bribes, so the warden of a Brazilian prison turned to feathered allies to prevent escapes.
posted by Word_Salad (28 comments total)

Put it on my bill.
posted by Czjewel at 4:57 PM on June 5 [8 favorites]

Geese Have Zero Loyalty may be my new user name.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:13 PM on June 5 [26 favorites]

Honk if you like geese.
posted by Czjewel at 5:20 PM on June 5 [9 favorites]

I am the horrible goose who lives in the prison
posted by praemunire at 5:29 PM on June 5 [8 favorites]

AGAB
posted by the primroses were over at 5:37 PM on June 5 [36 favorites]

Untitled Prison Guard Goose Game.
posted by egypturnash at 5:45 PM on June 5 [13 favorites]

AGABaSE (All Geese Are Bastards and Shit Everywhere)
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:46 PM on June 5 [6 favorites]

We're now putting Geese in prison? Good Guard!
posted by milnak at 6:08 PM on June 5 [1 favorite]

HONK HONK HONK
posted by Tomorrowful at 6:25 PM on June 5 [4 favorites]

As usual, no one has had a gander at the main link.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:25 PM on June 5 [4 favorites]

It's not much use, to abuse a goose.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 6:27 PM on June 5

Even if two giant barbed wire covered walls don't deter those intent on escaping, the thought of crossing a ten meter field completely covered in goose shit causes even the most hardened of criminals to pause.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:29 PM on June 5 [2 favorites]

rake in the lake, rake in the lake, rake in the lake...
posted by kaibutsu at 6:44 PM on June 5 [3 favorites]

lolling at the meme birds, get to the end where they say oh we also have so many guns, close the tab still chuckling
posted by Sebmojo at 6:50 PM on June 5

I used to pass a used car place in Sheffield, UK on the tram in the 1990s that had guard geese.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 12:14 AM on June 6 [1 favorite]

Well trying to escape now would be a wild goose chase.
posted by Dysk at 1:07 AM on June 6 [2 favorites]

Geeses of Brazil
posted by chavenet at 1:22 AM on June 6 [1 favorite]

This is where an education in the classics helps you.

Whilst these things were going on at Veii, in the mean while the citadel and Capitol of Rome were in great danger. For the Gauls either having perceived the track of a human foot where the messenger from Veii had passed, or having of themselves remarked the easy ascent by the rock at the temple of Carmentis, on a moonlight night, after they had at first sent forward an unarmed person, to make trial of the way, delivering their arms, whenever any difficulty occurred, alternately supported and supporting each other, and drawing each other up, according as the ground required, they reached the summit in such silence, that they not only escaped the notice of the sentinels, but of the dogs also, an animal extremely wakeful with respect to noises by night. The notice of the geese they did not escape, which, as being sacred to Juno, were spared though they were in the greatest scarcity of food. Which circumstance was the cause of their preservation.

posted by sukeban at 2:27 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]

geese waddlin round a prison
geese waddlin round a prison
geese waddlin round a prison
geese waddlin round a prison

For you and me to live in

goose prison system
goose prison system
goose prison system

For you and me
posted by are-coral-made at 3:17 AM on June 6

The notice of the geese they did not escape, which, as being sacred to Juno, were spared though they were in the greatest scarcity of food.

It's totally bogus that Marcus Manlius got all the credit and not the geese!
posted by orrnyereg at 5:41 AM on June 6

Untitled Prison Guard Goose Game.

BACK IN YOUR CELL

BACK IN YOUR CELL MOTHERFUCKER
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 6:13 AM on June 6 [2 favorites]

As a Canadian who has had more than her fair share of encounters with our national murder chickens, I feel compelled to wonder whether forcing people to be guarded by geese might not be considered cruel and unusual punishment? I mean, yes, there's normally a fence between the prisoners and the geese, but is one fence enough to genuinely make it safe?
posted by jacquilynne at 6:41 AM on June 6 [4 favorites]

Mod note: Typo in title has been corrected.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:12 AM on June 6 [1 favorite]

I thought it was universally understood that geese are terrifying death dinos. I bet those prisoners don't even misbehave.
posted by supermedusa at 8:20 AM on June 6 [2 favorites]

Here in Chicagoland, it's a pretty common occurrence for a goose to decide to place a nest and protect their children in a planter right next to a front door. Because it's neither legal nor a particularly good idea to bother them, the people who frequent that office/hotel/shop/restaurant have to learn to scurry around to get in and out quickly before the geese lay down the fucking law over their goddam territory.

So this surprises me not at all and feels like a great way to leverage their aggressiveness for the general good.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:29 AM on June 6 [3 favorites]

Bonded whisky warehouses in Scotland traditionally use geese for security. It's not the harm they could cause, but the incredible noise they can raise if they are disturbed
posted by scruss at 4:05 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]

Mod note: We're not trying to start anything, just wanted to say that we've put this post on the sidebar and in the Best Of blog!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 7:09 AM on June 7 [1 favorite]

HONK
posted by Pronoiac at 11:01 AM on June 7