Friend-Shaped? More like Fiend-Shaped amirite?
June 6, 2024 10:54 AM Subscribe
Why are bears both adorable and deadly? Scientific American investigates why these apex predators are “friend-shaped."
I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that Taylor Swift was secretly assembling an army of bears. I'm not sure what her goals were, but I haven't been able to shake the feeling that it just might be the best idea ever. I'm at most a very casual Taylor Swift fan, but somehow I feel like I could trust her with an army of bears. I feel like the world could only be a better place if Ms. Swift had 10,000 grizzlies trained to do her bidding. I mean, I know that power corrupts, but if one of her bears were to start eating me, I could just start scream-singing "Shake it Off." Bears make everything better, even one's imminent demise.
posted by rikschell at 11:02 AM on June 6 [17 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 11:02 AM on June 6 [17 favorites]
rikschell, now I'm imagining "Shake It Off" with the visuals of a bear worrying a human like a terrier with a toy
posted by Kitteh at 11:06 AM on June 6 [1 favorite]
posted by Kitteh at 11:06 AM on June 6 [1 favorite]
It's the floppy lips while they roar. Like slices of bologna, flopping around...
posted by neuracnu at 11:07 AM on June 6
posted by neuracnu at 11:07 AM on June 6
I understand that the cute little rounded ears belong to brown and grizzly bears, who are nobody's friends, whereas black bears have larger, less adorable ears but also far less bloodthirst. It's a handy thing to notice, especially since black bears can have brown coats.
When teddy bears were first invented, some people said it was bad for little girls to mother a beast instead of a baby doll as they were supposed to, but they were the kind of people who can be safely ignored. Still, it's hard to deny that bears have maybe too much good PR these days.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:07 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
When teddy bears were first invented, some people said it was bad for little girls to mother a beast instead of a baby doll as they were supposed to, but they were the kind of people who can be safely ignored. Still, it's hard to deny that bears have maybe too much good PR these days.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:07 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
When teddy bears were first invented, some people said it was bad for little girls to mother a beast instead of a baby doll
have you met children
posted by lalochezia at 11:12 AM on June 6 [34 favorites]
Disagree with part of the article, which says that lions and wolves are also not friend shaped (big kitty and big puppy, respectively)
The thing about bears is that they also just look like Dudes. They sit at picnic tables.
posted by dismas at 11:13 AM on June 6 [18 favorites]
The thing about bears is that they also just look like Dudes. They sit at picnic tables.
posted by dismas at 11:13 AM on June 6 [18 favorites]
Still, it's hard to deny that bears have maybe too much good PR these days.
Manipulated by Big Bear. Fuck capitalism.
posted by briank at 11:20 AM on June 6 [6 favorites]
Manipulated by Big Bear. Fuck capitalism.
posted by briank at 11:20 AM on June 6 [6 favorites]
> Still, it's hard to deny that bears have maybe too much good PR these days.
We need Colbert to remind us that bears are always #1 on The Threatdown
posted by ASCII Costanza head at 11:23 AM on June 6 [8 favorites]
We need Colbert to remind us that bears are always #1 on The Threatdown
posted by ASCII Costanza head at 11:23 AM on June 6 [8 favorites]
That old twitter thread about lawful good werebears in DnD always makes me smile. Especially when it's paired with that video of the bear righting a traffic cone that had fallen over.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 11:26 AM on June 6 [13 favorites]
posted by RonButNotStupid at 11:26 AM on June 6 [13 favorites]
They sit at picnic tables.
Sometimes while wearing a pork pie hat and necktie!
posted by TedW at 11:35 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
Sometimes while wearing a pork pie hat and necktie!
posted by TedW at 11:35 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
Why do we find these features friendly? It could be that we simply think bears look like dogs, which humans domesticated over thousands of years explicitly to be our friends. Tens of millions of years ago, bears and dogs had a common ancestor, and they still share some physical traits.
Finally scientific backup for my long-held belief that bears are just the giant wild version of doggos.
Or in SAT-speak, cats : lions == dogs : bears
posted by martin q blank at 11:36 AM on June 6 [2 favorites]
Finally scientific backup for my long-held belief that bears are just the giant wild version of doggos.
Or in SAT-speak, cats : lions == dogs : bears
posted by martin q blank at 11:36 AM on June 6 [2 favorites]
awwww. I consider polar bears in particular to have the greatest CUTE BABY : TERRIFYING ADULT ratio in the animal kingdom. bears are so friend-shaped that one of the most iconic toys we give to small children are bears. stuffed bears. rawr!
posted by supermedusa at 11:36 AM on June 6 [5 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 11:36 AM on June 6 [5 favorites]
Most deadly apex predators have a certain ferocity to them that doesn’t scream “friend”—think lions, wolves and crocodiles.
I mean I can agree with the general observation about bears, but who among us has not wanted to hug a lion, wolf, or crocodile?
posted by mittens at 11:39 AM on June 6 [5 favorites]
I mean I can agree with the general observation about bears, but who among us has not wanted to hug a lion, wolf, or crocodile?
posted by mittens at 11:39 AM on June 6 [5 favorites]
I've been fortunate to have lived for a while in the Canadian Rockies, and have had close (and luckily not physically harmful) interactions with most of North Americas large land predators. And I feel a lot of the friend like impressions are based on images and video, but in person they present very differently.
Some notes:
Coyotes - friend shaped like dog, but have a disconcerting ability to physically melt into the grass at a moments notice. One second you are looking at it, then it just steps back and it is GONE. Intellectually you know where it should be and know that it couldn't have gone far, but your eyes cant lock in on it. Now you don't know where it is, and that's concerning.
Cougars - friend shaped like kitty, but primally you just KNOW that its a threat, like you can see them actively working out if they can kill you, and whether its worth the risk. They also will stalk you for kilometers, and you are not generally aware of it. The only time I noticed being stalked (other than a gut feeling which is always wise to listen to) was at night, when I could pick up the eye shine a hundred meters back. Seeing that, and having it follow you for a while is not a good feeling.
Black Bears - Friend shaped, but unpredictable. Normally kind of bumbling and food motivated, generally ignores people, but mothers deserve a lot of respect and space (and they are not particularly shy about letting you know their needs, so you better listen). Also you are equally likely to run into one in the woods, sunning its nuts and having a good scratch and barely even noticing you with as much as a quick glance.
Grizzley Bears - Friend shaped, but have a profound sense of wisdom and great power held in reserve. Like black bears they usually want to do their own thing and will probably just ignore you. Given sufficient motivation they are capable of rather incredible physical feats. Like excavating trenches a foot deep and 3 feet long in one swipe to go after a ground squirrel. Also had one charge me on a high col (a likely case of mistaken identity), it was able to run over bowling ball sized jagged rock cobbles at a speed that was more appropriate for a horse at full gallop.
Both bears though, if you listen to your body, you get a sense of when they are near, might be a smell thing. Presents as an itchy feeling in the back if your neck. Diffuse enough to ignore but rather important to listen to. I feel as a species that we know instinctually they are a potential threat. Not like in a 'I need to run away now' (which is a REALLY bad idea btw), but in a its a good time to make some noise and keep my wits about me sorta way. Maybe a kinship feeling, but definitely not a 'friend' feeling at all.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 11:40 AM on June 6 [35 favorites]
Some notes:
Coyotes - friend shaped like dog, but have a disconcerting ability to physically melt into the grass at a moments notice. One second you are looking at it, then it just steps back and it is GONE. Intellectually you know where it should be and know that it couldn't have gone far, but your eyes cant lock in on it. Now you don't know where it is, and that's concerning.
Cougars - friend shaped like kitty, but primally you just KNOW that its a threat, like you can see them actively working out if they can kill you, and whether its worth the risk. They also will stalk you for kilometers, and you are not generally aware of it. The only time I noticed being stalked (other than a gut feeling which is always wise to listen to) was at night, when I could pick up the eye shine a hundred meters back. Seeing that, and having it follow you for a while is not a good feeling.
Black Bears - Friend shaped, but unpredictable. Normally kind of bumbling and food motivated, generally ignores people, but mothers deserve a lot of respect and space (and they are not particularly shy about letting you know their needs, so you better listen). Also you are equally likely to run into one in the woods, sunning its nuts and having a good scratch and barely even noticing you with as much as a quick glance.
Grizzley Bears - Friend shaped, but have a profound sense of wisdom and great power held in reserve. Like black bears they usually want to do their own thing and will probably just ignore you. Given sufficient motivation they are capable of rather incredible physical feats. Like excavating trenches a foot deep and 3 feet long in one swipe to go after a ground squirrel. Also had one charge me on a high col (a likely case of mistaken identity), it was able to run over bowling ball sized jagged rock cobbles at a speed that was more appropriate for a horse at full gallop.
Both bears though, if you listen to your body, you get a sense of when they are near, might be a smell thing. Presents as an itchy feeling in the back if your neck. Diffuse enough to ignore but rather important to listen to. I feel as a species that we know instinctually they are a potential threat. Not like in a 'I need to run away now' (which is a REALLY bad idea btw), but in a its a good time to make some noise and keep my wits about me sorta way. Maybe a kinship feeling, but definitely not a 'friend' feeling at all.
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 11:40 AM on June 6 [35 favorites]
Worth noting that Sasquatch sightings are probably just bears. You might think that makes the world less mysterious, but I think it's wonderful that we're surrounded by Sasquatches.
posted by MengerSponge at 11:44 AM on June 6 [9 favorites]
posted by MengerSponge at 11:44 AM on June 6 [9 favorites]
Husband Raccoon will tell anyone who will listen that bears are Default Mammal. I for one think they're Maximum Mammal.
posted by cabbage raccoon at 11:49 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
posted by cabbage raccoon at 11:49 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
> who among us has not wanted to hug a lion, wolf, or crocodile?
Right?? extra hairy kitties and doggos that love our bestest friend the moon and giant geckos! COME HERE AND LET ME SQUISH YOU ALL
posted by MiraK at 11:53 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
Right?? extra hairy kitties and doggos that love our bestest friend the moon and giant geckos! COME HERE AND LET ME SQUISH YOU ALL
posted by MiraK at 11:53 AM on June 6 [7 favorites]
Bear noses, so boopable, but will never boop.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:59 AM on June 6 [8 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:59 AM on June 6 [8 favorites]
I mean I can agree with the general observation about bears, but who among us has not wanted to hug a lion, wolf, or crocodile?
Sometimes all at once!
I think this is where many mythical creatures come from — gotta hug them all, so few arms!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:03 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
Sometimes all at once!
I think this is where many mythical creatures come from — gotta hug them all, so few arms!
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:03 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
If not information, why information-shaped?
There’s one study shown in the video not linked in the SA article, as most others appear to be… “Implications of the Farm Fox experiment…” [U. Chicago]: “... instead of exploring the evolution of that power, [Darwin] and his followers focused on the material rather than the experiential aspects of beauty.” Are they alluding to problems around Herbert Spencer messing with Darwinism? there’s no citation… Here’s one “Social Darwinism in the Gilded Age” [Khan Academy] anyway, the thesis of the Fox article is that domestic=friend? disagree. “from among thousands of caged foxes [some] fled”
power to you, crazy foxes. freedom is our friend. thanks for this: “All wild animals should remain wild”
posted by HearHere at 12:08 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
There’s one study shown in the video not linked in the SA article, as most others appear to be… “Implications of the Farm Fox experiment…” [U. Chicago]: “... instead of exploring the evolution of that power, [Darwin] and his followers focused on the material rather than the experiential aspects of beauty.” Are they alluding to problems around Herbert Spencer messing with Darwinism? there’s no citation… Here’s one “Social Darwinism in the Gilded Age” [Khan Academy] anyway, the thesis of the Fox article is that domestic=friend? disagree. “from among thousands of caged foxes [some] fled”
power to you, crazy foxes. freedom is our friend. thanks for this: “All wild animals should remain wild”
posted by HearHere at 12:08 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
I don’t know – haven’t had the unfortunate experience of encountering a grizzly unexpectedly in the wild, there was nothing friendly or cute about it. It was a genuinely terrifying event that produced a flood of what I can only assume are deeply primitive feelings that were really unsettling.
I think they’re only cute at a remove or in the abstract, and I’m glad she decided not to kill us.
posted by ryanshepard at 12:19 PM on June 6 [1 favorite]
I think they’re only cute at a remove or in the abstract, and I’m glad she decided not to kill us.
posted by ryanshepard at 12:19 PM on June 6 [1 favorite]
snorgling with a mountain lion would be on my bucket list, if it were not so likely to be the last item. I would give a tiger a tummy rub!! I would boop a wolf's nose.
posted by supermedusa at 12:20 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 12:20 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
a friend's property outside of town gets a lot of bear traffic, if you spend time in the bush you will see game trails all over the place and for whatever reason my friend's property is in a bear zone, they are passing through all the time
he has developed the attitude over the years that they're a lot like people in how some are just passing through, they want nothing to do with you
some are very curious, they will stop to check things out
and some are just plain mean and they're up to no good, and you'd best be quick to spot them
posted by elkevelvet at 12:23 PM on June 6 [9 favorites]
he has developed the attitude over the years that they're a lot like people in how some are just passing through, they want nothing to do with you
some are very curious, they will stop to check things out
and some are just plain mean and they're up to no good, and you'd best be quick to spot them
posted by elkevelvet at 12:23 PM on June 6 [9 favorites]
They sit at picnic tables.
Sometimes while wearing a pork pie hat and necktie!
But only if they're smarter than average.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:32 PM on June 6 [4 favorites]
Sometimes while wearing a pork pie hat and necktie!
But only if they're smarter than average.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:32 PM on June 6 [4 favorites]
who among us has not wanted to hug a lion, wolf, or crocodile?
*raises hand*
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:38 PM on June 6 [9 favorites]
*raises hand*
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:38 PM on June 6 [9 favorites]
Lions have possibly the shortest path between AWWW and AAAAH of any animal. Big ol' fuzzy lion rolling the sun, adorable! Can I go bury my face in its mane? Then it yawns and you see the teeth, and it stands up and you see the musclebound shoulders, and it looks at you and you see a complete lack of warmth or kinship in those tiny cold eyes. Then it goes and sits in a box or something and you're right back again.
posted by echo target at 12:57 PM on June 6 [9 favorites]
posted by echo target at 12:57 PM on June 6 [9 favorites]
It is absolutely fascinating to me that bears are "friend-shaped" to our modern eyes but also bears used to be so utterly terrifying that we probably call them "bears" because it was safer to superstitiously call them "brown ones" instead of using their actual name for fear that we'd summon them. And we don't do that with every threat. Like - they're simultaneously friend shaped but also used to be apex-terrifying supernatural death incarnate? What the hell?
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:02 PM on June 6 [15 favorites]
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:02 PM on June 6 [15 favorites]
On the other end of the scale, sharks look like death incarnate and aren’t nearly as dangerous as they seem they would be
posted by gottabefunky at 1:12 PM on June 6 [7 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 1:12 PM on June 6 [7 favorites]
Dogs and babies? Makes sense.
When we lived in Vermont black bears visited us from time to time. Once a black bear and some cubs charged right across the little dirt road I was driving my kids along. Another time a big guy ambled across our land to visit the chickens; I convinced him to change his ways with some shouting.
Our old dog once treed a bear cub. Man, she was a good dog, but not always the brightest.
posted by doctornemo at 1:56 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
When we lived in Vermont black bears visited us from time to time. Once a black bear and some cubs charged right across the little dirt road I was driving my kids along. Another time a big guy ambled across our land to visit the chickens; I convinced him to change his ways with some shouting.
Our old dog once treed a bear cub. Man, she was a good dog, but not always the brightest.
posted by doctornemo at 1:56 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
I've always been inordinately afraid of bears. For many years. I don't live near bears. I've only seen them in zoos. Some of it has to do with their vocals and heavy breathing. You would think this would deter me from looking up stats and YouTube videos of bear attacks, but you would be wrong. I may need to buy some bear spray in case one wanders onto my suburban backyard.
posted by Czjewel at 1:56 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
posted by Czjewel at 1:56 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
Nonononono, definitely friend-shaped. Just not a friend you should hug.
**Pours out jar of honey for Flower.**
posted by kirkaracha at 2:36 PM on June 6 [1 favorite]
**Pours out jar of honey for Flower.**
posted by kirkaracha at 2:36 PM on June 6 [1 favorite]
Comedian Jacob Samuel came up in my feed to day, saying basically that you can have a children’s book Clifford the Big Red Dog but a big red cat is a very scary thing to imagine.
posted by brachiopod at 3:09 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
posted by brachiopod at 3:09 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
"a big red cat is a very scary thing to imagine"
Paging Neil Gaiman's Sandman
posted by doctornemo at 3:59 PM on June 6
Paging Neil Gaiman's Sandman
posted by doctornemo at 3:59 PM on June 6
rikschell your dream reminds me a little of the book Northern Lights/The Golden Compass. there is a movie, as well, but i liked the book better. i enjoy imagining it rewritten to have Tay-tay as the lead character, hah
posted by lapolla at 4:04 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
posted by lapolla at 4:04 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
who among us has not wanted to hug a lion, wolf, or crocodile?
Illustrating a spectrum of huggability here, I think. Wolves are of course basically big dogs, and definitely could be huggable, but play up the more intimidating features of dogs, and big dogs are already capable of being scary. Big cats are always charming because they are even more recognizably similar to the domestic variety, but it’s also rather obvious looking at the cat blueprint that it’s going to be a problem at scale.
I can’t say I’ve wanted to hug a crocodile.
posted by atoxyl at 4:24 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
Illustrating a spectrum of huggability here, I think. Wolves are of course basically big dogs, and definitely could be huggable, but play up the more intimidating features of dogs, and big dogs are already capable of being scary. Big cats are always charming because they are even more recognizably similar to the domestic variety, but it’s also rather obvious looking at the cat blueprint that it’s going to be a problem at scale.
I can’t say I’ve wanted to hug a crocodile.
posted by atoxyl at 4:24 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
I may need to buy some bear spray in case one wanders onto my suburban backyard.
Just be careful - as the old joke goes, grizzly poop smells like pepper spray (and has bells in it).
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:38 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
Just be careful - as the old joke goes, grizzly poop smells like pepper spray (and has bells in it).
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:38 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
Then it yawns and you see the teeth, and it stands up and you see the musclebound shoulders, and it looks at you and you see a complete lack of warmth or kinship in those tiny cold eyes
Our local zoo has a building that doubles as the primate area and big cats area. The animals all have indoor/outdoor enclosures. Once I was inside the building with my kids, then like 2, 5 and 8, and suddenly a staffer told us to step back, a door right next to us opened up, and several staff came out carrying a full-grown, sedated male lion on a very long stretcher, moving double-time to get it back to its enclosure before it woke up from whatever procedure had just been performed on it. We were barely a foot away, nobody in front of us, and just stood there watching as this enormous animal was carried past us. I'd never been so close to a lion before, and seeing them in enclosures at various times had not really given me a sense of how big and muscular one would be that close up. It really made an impression on me. Hope never to see one that close again; glad it was sedated for our encounter.
posted by Well I never at 6:38 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
Our local zoo has a building that doubles as the primate area and big cats area. The animals all have indoor/outdoor enclosures. Once I was inside the building with my kids, then like 2, 5 and 8, and suddenly a staffer told us to step back, a door right next to us opened up, and several staff came out carrying a full-grown, sedated male lion on a very long stretcher, moving double-time to get it back to its enclosure before it woke up from whatever procedure had just been performed on it. We were barely a foot away, nobody in front of us, and just stood there watching as this enormous animal was carried past us. I'd never been so close to a lion before, and seeing them in enclosures at various times had not really given me a sense of how big and muscular one would be that close up. It really made an impression on me. Hope never to see one that close again; glad it was sedated for our encounter.
posted by Well I never at 6:38 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
A nearby wildlife park lets you ride through a lion enclosure in the back of a truck in a kind of cage. The keepers have a bucket of horsemeat and push lumps through the mesh, so the lions come right up to it and even climb on top of it.
(This is something you can only do in a country where personal injury lawsuits have been abolished in favour of compulsory insurance. "Keep your hands away from the cage, folks.")
Anyway, long before the lions got up the cage, I was alert and aroused and ready to run by watching them purposefully track and approach the truck. They are fucking huge and hungry and I am a mobile piece of meat. My savannah ancestors were all screaming to get the hell out as soon as possible. Watching them up close and smelling their rank breath and the raw meat disabused me of any feelings that they are just overgrown pussycats. They are not.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:10 PM on June 6 [6 favorites]
(This is something you can only do in a country where personal injury lawsuits have been abolished in favour of compulsory insurance. "Keep your hands away from the cage, folks.")
Anyway, long before the lions got up the cage, I was alert and aroused and ready to run by watching them purposefully track and approach the truck. They are fucking huge and hungry and I am a mobile piece of meat. My savannah ancestors were all screaming to get the hell out as soon as possible. Watching them up close and smelling their rank breath and the raw meat disabused me of any feelings that they are just overgrown pussycats. They are not.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:10 PM on June 6 [6 favorites]
Bear noses, so boopable, but will never boop.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:59 PM on June 6
Not with THAT attitude, Mr. Bear.
posted by Pryde at 7:29 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:59 PM on June 6
Not with THAT attitude, Mr. Bear.
posted by Pryde at 7:29 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
I remember a visit to the local zoo at the leopard exhibit. The keepers were in the enclosure and encouraging them to run real fast. They also noted that adult humans were too big for them to really worry unless they were threatened. Children however were the same size as their prey. Sure enough I watched that leopards eyes lock on to my 3 year old nephew and rarely broke his gaze. Thank god for the big fence.
posted by mmascolino at 7:46 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
posted by mmascolino at 7:46 PM on June 6 [2 favorites]
Cougars - friend shaped like kitty, but primally you just KNOW that its a threat, like you can see them actively working out if they can kill you, and whether it's worth the risk.
So, same as kitty, got it.
posted by xigxag at 8:09 PM on June 6 [12 favorites]
So, same as kitty, got it.
posted by xigxag at 8:09 PM on June 6 [12 favorites]
My advisor in grad school (studying grizzly bears) was mauled badly early in his career. Didn’t stop him from becoming a leading authority. But every day with him sure was a reminder that “cute” is the wrong adjective. Here’s his account.
posted by gottabefunky at 8:10 PM on June 6 [11 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 8:10 PM on June 6 [11 favorites]
I understand that the cute little rounded ears belong to brown and grizzly bears, who are nobody's friends, whereas black bears have larger, less adorable ears …
While some friends of mine were sleeping, a black bear clawed a hole in their tent and poked his head in. Their screams were incredible. Anyway, later, one of them told me that despite feeling absolute terror and screaming at the top of her lungs, she couldn’t help thinking the bear was cute—especially its ears, which were like “little radar cups” rotating back and forth like they were trying to get a fix on the source of the screams.
One time I saw a young grizzly sitting on his butt, legs splayed out. It kept bending forwards to gobble up dandelions. I missed the picture by about half a second.
But, yeah, they may be “friend shaped” but they’re capable of biting a roast out of you.
posted by house-goblin at 9:36 PM on June 6 [4 favorites]
While some friends of mine were sleeping, a black bear clawed a hole in their tent and poked his head in. Their screams were incredible. Anyway, later, one of them told me that despite feeling absolute terror and screaming at the top of her lungs, she couldn’t help thinking the bear was cute—especially its ears, which were like “little radar cups” rotating back and forth like they were trying to get a fix on the source of the screams.
One time I saw a young grizzly sitting on his butt, legs splayed out. It kept bending forwards to gobble up dandelions. I missed the picture by about half a second.
But, yeah, they may be “friend shaped” but they’re capable of biting a roast out of you.
posted by house-goblin at 9:36 PM on June 6 [4 favorites]
Also, apex predators are FAST. You are the descendant of frugivores and fruit doesn't move that quick and you haven't been under selection pressure for millenia. So you likely will not punch frend-cum-enemy on the snoot in time or make it far enough up that tree. And when you're close enough you realise that (unless you are a Yellowstone Park tourist with a camera).
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 9:54 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 9:54 PM on June 6 [3 favorites]
Bears have really been getting their time in the sun on social media recently, and it's not even fat bear season yet!
"we simply think bears look like dogs.... Tens of millions of years ago, bears and dogs had a common ancestor, and they still share some physical traits"
That's funny, because tens of thousands of years ago, dogs and wolves had a common ancestor. And ancient humans thought those ancient wolves were so incredibly, irresistibly friend-shaped (despite the "certain ferocity" of a "deadly apex predator") that they've been 'man's best friend' for the past 15 millennia or so. Which reminds me, I should go give the ferocious predator that lives in my house her pre-bedtime belly scritches....
posted by radiogreentea at 10:43 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
"we simply think bears look like dogs.... Tens of millions of years ago, bears and dogs had a common ancestor, and they still share some physical traits"
That's funny, because tens of thousands of years ago, dogs and wolves had a common ancestor. And ancient humans thought those ancient wolves were so incredibly, irresistibly friend-shaped (despite the "certain ferocity" of a "deadly apex predator") that they've been 'man's best friend' for the past 15 millennia or so. Which reminds me, I should go give the ferocious predator that lives in my house her pre-bedtime belly scritches....
posted by radiogreentea at 10:43 PM on June 6 [5 favorites]
…apex predators are FAST…
One thing that’s always stuck with me is being told a bear can run down a horse in a short race, say about 40 metres.
They’re also very strong swimmers (coworker once told me he saw one on some rocks in the ocean way way out from shore) and really good at jumping and leaping (once saw one run and leap a crazy distance into a stream).
Also, black bears can be pretty good at climbing trees. I watched one scramble up a tree, snapping smaller (but not that small!) branches off like they weren’t even there as it went.
On the snoot-punching front, a guy I once worked with told me about how he and others on his crew had to charge, yelling and screaming, down a hill towards a logging road where a bear had knocked down another co-worker. He said he watched her get up and get knocked down twice more. The last time she got up she came up swinging her shovel and the bear took some blows and ran off. Afterward, when he and others asked her why she kept getting up, they found out she had no memory of anything that happened after she first saw the bear.
posted by house-goblin at 11:02 PM on June 6 [8 favorites]
One thing that’s always stuck with me is being told a bear can run down a horse in a short race, say about 40 metres.
They’re also very strong swimmers (coworker once told me he saw one on some rocks in the ocean way way out from shore) and really good at jumping and leaping (once saw one run and leap a crazy distance into a stream).
Also, black bears can be pretty good at climbing trees. I watched one scramble up a tree, snapping smaller (but not that small!) branches off like they weren’t even there as it went.
On the snoot-punching front, a guy I once worked with told me about how he and others on his crew had to charge, yelling and screaming, down a hill towards a logging road where a bear had knocked down another co-worker. He said he watched her get up and get knocked down twice more. The last time she got up she came up swinging her shovel and the bear took some blows and ran off. Afterward, when he and others asked her why she kept getting up, they found out she had no memory of anything that happened after she first saw the bear.
posted by house-goblin at 11:02 PM on June 6 [8 favorites]
I have, in my life, gotten to pet a lion. It was a tiny baby lion, with a wrinkly face and barely any fur yet; i actually got to hug it and hold it and it was definitely friend-shaped.
I also had a wolf try to sit on my lap, once. (Well, technically a wolfdog—but he was half timber wolf, one-quarter Arctic wolf, and one-quarter Husky, so he was functionally just a wolf.) My lap was not actually big enough for him, but he tried so hard. He had a whole pack of friends in the household he lived in; the chihuahua mix (she couldn't have topped 25 pounds) was absolutely the leader and she bossed him around mercilessly. He was also friend-shaped.
Both of these were rescue animals, the lion taken along with its mom from a badly-managed Exotic Safari tourist place and the doggo from a wolfdog breeder (there's no need to specify "unethical" here; breeding wolfdogs is inherently unethical.) And after rescue, they weren't being exposed to random public people; i just happened to know the folks involved in the rescues well enough to be visiting their houses anyway.
I definitely wouldn't attempt to pet the adorable friend-shaped apex predators in the wild, and am a frequent proponent of Leave Nature Alone Because It Will Bite You. But i was also not going to turn down an opportunity to hug a baby lion, are you kidding?
posted by adrienneleigh at 12:11 AM on June 7 [14 favorites]
I also had a wolf try to sit on my lap, once. (Well, technically a wolfdog—but he was half timber wolf, one-quarter Arctic wolf, and one-quarter Husky, so he was functionally just a wolf.) My lap was not actually big enough for him, but he tried so hard. He had a whole pack of friends in the household he lived in; the chihuahua mix (she couldn't have topped 25 pounds) was absolutely the leader and she bossed him around mercilessly. He was also friend-shaped.
Both of these were rescue animals, the lion taken along with its mom from a badly-managed Exotic Safari tourist place and the doggo from a wolfdog breeder (there's no need to specify "unethical" here; breeding wolfdogs is inherently unethical.) And after rescue, they weren't being exposed to random public people; i just happened to know the folks involved in the rescues well enough to be visiting their houses anyway.
I definitely wouldn't attempt to pet the adorable friend-shaped apex predators in the wild, and am a frequent proponent of Leave Nature Alone Because It Will Bite You. But i was also not going to turn down an opportunity to hug a baby lion, are you kidding?
posted by adrienneleigh at 12:11 AM on June 7 [14 favorites]
Nastassja Martin’s book In the Eye of the Wild is her account of the most intimate connection a human can have with a bear — when it eats part of you as you study animistic societies in Kamtchatka.
No seriously it’s a fascinating book about, among other things, “of course you dream of the bear you have PTSD” and “of course you dream of the bear he has marked you and you travel between bear and human societies now.”
posted by Hypatia at 4:56 AM on June 7 [9 favorites]
No seriously it’s a fascinating book about, among other things, “of course you dream of the bear you have PTSD” and “of course you dream of the bear he has marked you and you travel between bear and human societies now.”
posted by Hypatia at 4:56 AM on June 7 [9 favorites]
I have had 2 separate opportunities to hold baby jaguars. it was a bit scratchy and bitey but soooo worth it. peak life experience!! (they were too young to do any damage.)
I have also gotten to meet a full grown male cheetah in person. (no touchy) and he was definitely bigger than I was expecting! he was purring and I wanted to pet him so much.
posted by supermedusa at 8:34 AM on June 7 [3 favorites]
I have also gotten to meet a full grown male cheetah in person. (no touchy) and he was definitely bigger than I was expecting! he was purring and I wanted to pet him so much.
posted by supermedusa at 8:34 AM on June 7 [3 favorites]
I can’t say I’ve wanted to hug a crocodile.
Of course not, what with their teeth sticking out everywhere and whatnot. Alligators are much more huggable, no matter what Lyle says.
posted by TedW at 10:35 AM on June 7 [2 favorites]
Of course not, what with their teeth sticking out everywhere and whatnot. Alligators are much more huggable, no matter what Lyle says.
posted by TedW at 10:35 AM on June 7 [2 favorites]
The chubby, flatulent, ear-wiggling hippopotamus is missing from this discussion.
posted by brachiopod at 5:02 PM on June 7 [7 favorites]
posted by brachiopod at 5:02 PM on June 7 [7 favorites]
I was camping in Botswana one night with a group of about 10 people. We were drinking our rooibos around the campfire. At one point we noticed that a donkey was pacing around our fire. But it made no sense that a donkey would be wandering at night in the bush. The next time it came around we shined one of those spotlights for seeing animals at night. The 'donkey' was a lion. It was just that we North Americans had no idea how huge a full-grown lion is. Nor did we have an idea of how huge a fully grown black mamba is, but that's a different topic.
posted by SnowRottie at 8:30 AM on June 8 [5 favorites]
posted by SnowRottie at 8:30 AM on June 8 [5 favorites]
It sounds kitschy (and it is), but there used to be a large and popular genre of cross stitch designs with anthropomorphized bears doing human things like having a family picnic or decorating a Christmas tree. Some of those vintage kits cost a small fortune on online auction sites. (I would invite you to look up 'Gold Collection Dimensions Beary Christmas Counted Cross Stitch Kit' for instance.)
posted by of strange foe at 2:05 PM on June 8
posted by of strange foe at 2:05 PM on June 8
Relevant terrifying video of brown bear playfully chasing skier down mountain in Romania.
posted by ishmael at 2:18 PM on June 8 [2 favorites]
posted by ishmael at 2:18 PM on June 8 [2 favorites]
Maybe the bear wanted some skis?
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:48 PM on June 8 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:48 PM on June 8 [1 favorite]
ancient humans thought those ancient wolves were so incredibly, irresistibly friend-shaped (despite the "certain ferocity" of a "deadly apex predator") that they've been 'man's best friend' for the past 15 millennia or so.
Doing a lot of image research on wolves for an art project, and I noticed that there was a difference between wolf and dog eyes.
Wolf eyes have a quality that is distinctly unnerving. Can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps it's the set of the eyes? Or the lack of much white sclera around the pupil? Hard to say.
posted by ishmael at 6:00 PM on June 8
Doing a lot of image research on wolves for an art project, and I noticed that there was a difference between wolf and dog eyes.
Wolf eyes have a quality that is distinctly unnerving. Can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps it's the set of the eyes? Or the lack of much white sclera around the pupil? Hard to say.
posted by ishmael at 6:00 PM on June 8
I have read that dogs evolved "eyebrows" to better mimic human expressions. (I know that is not how evolution works) so, wolves are dogs that lack that expression we've come to expect in our pets?
one of the things that makes the Pallas cat so adorable and strange is they have round pupils (like us) unlike other cats.
posted by supermedusa at 9:11 AM on June 9 [1 favorite]
one of the things that makes the Pallas cat so adorable and strange is they have round pupils (like us) unlike other cats.
posted by supermedusa at 9:11 AM on June 9 [1 favorite]
Here is a story about a petting zoo alligator....going missing (WaPo).
Students at Kansas City, Mo.’s Lakeview Middle School were treated to an outdoor petting zoo last month to celebrate the end of the school year. There were baby llamas, alpacas, goats, rabbits and a not-so-cuddly young alligator named Alex.posted by jenfullmoon at 9:09 AM on June 11 [4 favorites]
Alex’s mouth was taped shut with black electrical tape to avoid any accidents or injuries, said Eric Smith, owner of Thorni Ridge Exotics in Smithton, Mo., the company that was hired for the event.
But even with precautions, things went sideways that morning.
Students walking past Alex’s aluminum enclosure on the school lawn around 11 a.m. noticed that the 2-year-old, 14-inch gator was missing.
“Somebody said, ‘Hey, you didn’t bring an alligator this year,’” said Smith, who wasn’t at the event but learned about the incident from an employee.
Then on June 3 — the first day of summer school — a custodian at the middle school spotted something moving near the back door as she took out the morning trash. It was Alex, still wearing the electrical tape that had been wrapped around his snout 11 days before.
“Somebody put the alligator in a box and took him to the office until animal control could come out,” Wachel said. “Everyone was thrilled he’d finally been found.”
« Older We need a far more violent operation than... | Your tax dollars at “work” Newer »
posted by Kitteh at 10:56 AM on June 6 [8 favorites]