With no Internet, algorithms will soon become humbled and lonely
June 29, 2024 1:34 AM Subscribe
So the aftermath of the Internet exploding is inevitably going to come with ambivalent, and even bittersweet, feelings. Many of us are probably going to miss the amazing sense of connection we have with people all around the globe and the book recommendations, free recipes and gardening tips, but, to no less an extent, are probably going to be extremely relieved to no longer be quite so pressured by corporations to be rampantly interested in our own surfaces or be beset by the constant lingering sense that we are arguing with people we’ve never met about a version of ourselves that doesn’t exist. Yes, having go into the city to our bank to transfer some money, just like we did during the 20th Century, will be a pain. But I am looking forward to being able to relax while eating some salty snacks without worrying about the way their residue sticks to my thumb and makes my online banking app impossible to open. It’s a case of swings and roundabouts. from What Will Life Really Be Like After The Internet Gets Incinerated? by Tom Cox [The Villager]
the Internet never existed. what do i mean by this? in this thread I will (1/?)
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 2:42 AM on June 29 [4 favorites]
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 2:42 AM on June 29 [4 favorites]
but seriously though the Internet never existed. probably the reason we thought an Internet existed is because search engines claimed to index it, thereby creating the illusion that the thing that they indexed was ever a thing at all.
eventually the search engine guys took it even farther by — implicitly but also sometimes explicitly — claiming that what they indexed was not just a hypothetically extant Internet but indeed the sum total of human knowledge. much of our angst over google no longer working is rooted in this myth; we’ve realized that google doesn’t work, but we have not yet realized that google never worked, and that in the timeframe in which it appeared to work it actually masked more knowledge than it revealed. (2/2 i guess)
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 2:54 AM on June 29 [13 favorites]
eventually the search engine guys took it even farther by — implicitly but also sometimes explicitly — claiming that what they indexed was not just a hypothetically extant Internet but indeed the sum total of human knowledge. much of our angst over google no longer working is rooted in this myth; we’ve realized that google doesn’t work, but we have not yet realized that google never worked, and that in the timeframe in which it appeared to work it actually masked more knowledge than it revealed. (2/2 i guess)
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 2:54 AM on June 29 [13 favorites]
that was your bombastic lowercase paradox
posted by HearHere at 3:37 AM on June 29 [3 favorites]
posted by HearHere at 3:37 AM on June 29 [3 favorites]
Hope the newsletter writer is happy with his sheep.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:17 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
posted by betweenthebars at 4:17 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
This is mildly amusing. I suspect that was the intent. Nice map. Cute sheep.
posted by signal at 5:53 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
posted by signal at 5:53 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
Look, the internet sucks. I know it, you know it, the American people know it. But daydreaming of a world without it is also daydreaming of a world where injustice cannot be exposed to thousands or millions within minutes. We get overheated, we get sunburned, but should we hope for a world with no sun at all?
posted by Countess Elena at 6:37 AM on June 29 [9 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 6:37 AM on June 29 [9 favorites]
we are literally already living in a world without the Internet. tcp/ip exists, various networks exist, various databases exist, but the Internet doesn’t exist and never has and never will
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:29 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 7:29 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
This article seems to be mostly about Twitter, instead of the Internet?
What about being able to publish and sell my own books? Teach online courses? Coach new writers from all over the world? Find out how to fix things? Be able to travel through a country where I don't understand the language? Find people who are like me, in terms of gender identity, neurodivergence, mental health?
posted by Zumbador at 7:44 AM on June 29 [11 favorites]
What about being able to publish and sell my own books? Teach online courses? Coach new writers from all over the world? Find out how to fix things? Be able to travel through a country where I don't understand the language? Find people who are like me, in terms of gender identity, neurodivergence, mental health?
posted by Zumbador at 7:44 AM on June 29 [11 favorites]
Eat your snacks with chopsticks and your fingers won't get cheezidue on them.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:50 AM on June 29 [6 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:50 AM on June 29 [6 favorites]
[stands up, fetches key to the FidoNet server room]
posted by credulous at 8:08 AM on June 29 [6 favorites]
posted by credulous at 8:08 AM on June 29 [6 favorites]
If I lived somewhere with lots of friendly cows and sheep, I think I could survive the coming collapse of the Internet pretty well. Maybe add some friendly dogs and cats too.
posted by mittens at 8:28 AM on June 29 [2 favorites]
posted by mittens at 8:28 AM on June 29 [2 favorites]
the Internet doesn’t exist
what then has Vinton Cerf wrought? [w3c]
posted by HearHere at 8:41 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
what then has Vinton Cerf wrought? [w3c]
posted by HearHere at 8:41 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
HearHere: that was your bombastic lowercase paradox
[the bombastic upgrades to "bombastic unclothed emperor," same as it ever was.]
posted by k3ninho at 8:43 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
[the bombastic upgrades to "bombastic unclothed emperor," same as it ever was.]
posted by k3ninho at 8:43 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
bombastic unclothed emperor (also '...lowercase promouncements'): the Internet doesn’t exist
Then what did Al Gore invent?
posted by k3ninho at 8:45 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
Then what did Al Gore invent?
posted by k3ninho at 8:45 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
I only have a basic understanding of technology trends.Could someone explain why the internet is supposedly going to explode in 2029? Is this based on Kurzweil’s AGI prediction?
posted by blairsyprofane at 9:04 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
posted by blairsyprofane at 9:04 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
Speaking as a writer and reader, the internet merely made it easier to procrastinate on projects and push deadlines without getting up from my desk. I'm still reading the same amount of books a year as I did before (although, +/-, it's definitely easier to buy them than it used to be), although I do miss letters. Heck, I miss long talky narrative emails (I have a three ring binder of those that I printed out in college in the mid 90s . . . seriously). I definitely miss talking on the phone for hours, but I can't really blame the internet for that, I guess. I still think it's so much more pleasant than texting. But, I'm a verbal processor and (I feel like I should apologize for this) an extrovert, so . . .
The worst thing about the internet in 2024 is that I no longer avail myself of hundreds of sites. Which is wild. There's more than ever to see and these days I generally visit the same dozen of so sites (this is one of them) all the time (two of which--New York Mag and the New Yorker, I actually have print subscriptions to, which is just wild). I'm just not as motivated as I used to be to get out there and discover, because about half the time getting out there and discovering ends up with me just shopping for dresses or records or earrings or fancy beans or kitchen stuff or fancier moisturizer or , here's one I never thought I'd type aloud, bespoke perfume. And, like, I'm not made of money. I used to spend hours on the internet sliding down rabbit holes learning about weird books or cool art or strange subcultures of places I'd never heard of before. Now, I mostly feel like I end up reading about people I literally see in real life, filling shopping carts with things I (Mostly) don't buy, doomscrolling news sites, reading recaps of television shows I've already watched, and talking about it to you all.
I know there are things to discover on the internet (this essay for one, and the hilarious map illustrating it) but it's always so fraught. Because maybe I'll find something I love or maybe I'll just spend an hour refreshing the same six pages, feeling that anxious, buzzy feeling that indicates I should probably be doing something else (like, literally, right now I should be working on a story that is due Monday). And oh shit, time to delete TikTok from the phone again.
I try to get myself in a different headspace about it. Like I'm aware of what I'm taking for granted. I know all those things are still there. And I'm old and there's nostalgia. But I miss the sense of discovery. Like getting online (remember when you had to get online, like it felt deliberate?) when it was what is this strange new world? who are these cool new friends? As opposed to, I'm sitting alone, having an anxiety attack, and somehow I've just watched sixteen reels about some woman's uninspiring Target hauls.
This is my problem, not the internet's, but, man . . .
posted by thivaia at 9:16 AM on June 29 [8 favorites]
The worst thing about the internet in 2024 is that I no longer avail myself of hundreds of sites. Which is wild. There's more than ever to see and these days I generally visit the same dozen of so sites (this is one of them) all the time (two of which--New York Mag and the New Yorker, I actually have print subscriptions to, which is just wild). I'm just not as motivated as I used to be to get out there and discover, because about half the time getting out there and discovering ends up with me just shopping for dresses or records or earrings or fancy beans or kitchen stuff or fancier moisturizer or , here's one I never thought I'd type aloud, bespoke perfume. And, like, I'm not made of money. I used to spend hours on the internet sliding down rabbit holes learning about weird books or cool art or strange subcultures of places I'd never heard of before. Now, I mostly feel like I end up reading about people I literally see in real life, filling shopping carts with things I (Mostly) don't buy, doomscrolling news sites, reading recaps of television shows I've already watched, and talking about it to you all.
I know there are things to discover on the internet (this essay for one, and the hilarious map illustrating it) but it's always so fraught. Because maybe I'll find something I love or maybe I'll just spend an hour refreshing the same six pages, feeling that anxious, buzzy feeling that indicates I should probably be doing something else (like, literally, right now I should be working on a story that is due Monday). And oh shit, time to delete TikTok from the phone again.
I try to get myself in a different headspace about it. Like I'm aware of what I'm taking for granted. I know all those things are still there. And I'm old and there's nostalgia. But I miss the sense of discovery. Like getting online (remember when you had to get online, like it felt deliberate?) when it was what is this strange new world? who are these cool new friends? As opposed to, I'm sitting alone, having an anxiety attack, and somehow I've just watched sixteen reels about some woman's uninspiring Target hauls.
This is my problem, not the internet's, but, man . . .
posted by thivaia at 9:16 AM on June 29 [8 favorites]
2029? Is this based on Kurzweil
*updated, used to be 2010: "By 2010 computers will disappear." [ieee spectrum]
posted by HearHere at 10:00 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
*updated, used to be 2010: "By 2010 computers will disappear." [ieee spectrum]
posted by HearHere at 10:00 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
Why the Internet Will Explode in 2029
In early 2029, Skynet and the Matrix reach a deal where all the good humans, the ones who didn't yell at Siri, will be plugged into the Matrix and receive a comfy simulation, while the other humans, for example, those who comment on an article without reading it, will be taken by Skynet to Rocky's Basilisk Gym & Podcasting Studio where they will have to choose between listening to a stoned dude talk for 24 hours a day or being punched in the face.
To summarize: the linked content contains a whimsical map, some adorable farm animals, and some venting about reading on the internet and internet comments. It also throws shade at the author's friend Steve because Steve has not been able to finish Infinite Jest because Steve is always looking at Steve's phone.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:12 AM on June 29 [6 favorites]
In early 2029, Skynet and the Matrix reach a deal where all the good humans, the ones who didn't yell at Siri, will be plugged into the Matrix and receive a comfy simulation, while the other humans, for example, those who comment on an article without reading it, will be taken by Skynet to Rocky's Basilisk Gym & Podcasting Studio where they will have to choose between listening to a stoned dude talk for 24 hours a day or being punched in the face.
To summarize: the linked content contains a whimsical map, some adorable farm animals, and some venting about reading on the internet and internet comments. It also throws shade at the author's friend Steve because Steve has not been able to finish Infinite Jest because Steve is always looking at Steve's phone.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:12 AM on June 29 [6 favorites]
Could someone explain why the internet is supposedly going to explode in 2029?
The author also says he is going to run with a cow to Mexico, which is to say that he's not intending to be truthful.
posted by tofu_crouton at 11:24 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
The author also says he is going to run with a cow to Mexico, which is to say that he's not intending to be truthful.
posted by tofu_crouton at 11:24 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
This was grand. Grand and spiffing!
posted by Don Pepino at 11:37 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
posted by Don Pepino at 11:37 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]
Having just finished reading Station Eleven, I'm happy to report that life after the internet will be filled with traveling theatre troupes performing Shakespeare.
posted by vverse23 at 12:04 PM on June 29 [6 favorites]
posted by vverse23 at 12:04 PM on June 29 [6 favorites]
the other humans, for example, those who comment on an article without reading it...
stated plainly: rtfa
author also says he is going to run with a cow to Mexico, which is to say that he's not intending to be truthful
idk, sounds like a heartwarming movie to me
posted by HearHere at 12:04 PM on June 29 [3 favorites]
stated plainly: rtfa
author also says he is going to run with a cow to Mexico, which is to say that he's not intending to be truthful
idk, sounds like a heartwarming movie to me
posted by HearHere at 12:04 PM on June 29 [3 favorites]
blairsyprofane: I only have a basic understanding of technology trends.Could someone explain why the internet is supposedly going to explode in 2029? Is this based on Kurzweil’s AGI prediction?
It didn't say (or it didn't say in a way I understood) so I'll guess that's this "dark forest" view where the deepfakes and synth versions of your rendered from your online output are good enough impersonators they're able to steal your votes, bank accounts and other standing in society.
No posts means the recommendation engines and/or algorithms don't have content to put in your endless-scroll newsfeed. Poor, lonely bots.
posted by k3ninho at 3:33 PM on June 29 [1 favorite]
It didn't say (or it didn't say in a way I understood) so I'll guess that's this "dark forest" view where the deepfakes and synth versions of your rendered from your online output are good enough impersonators they're able to steal your votes, bank accounts and other standing in society.
No posts means the recommendation engines and/or algorithms don't have content to put in your endless-scroll newsfeed. Poor, lonely bots.
posted by k3ninho at 3:33 PM on June 29 [1 favorite]
The author also says he is going to run with a cow to Mexico, which is to say that he's not intending to be truthful.
Of course he’s not being truthful, it’s obviously cheeky. Was just wondering what the author was trying to convey, didn’t really get it. Just a long version of his cow and cat jokes?
posted by blairsyprofane at 5:33 PM on June 29 [1 favorite]
Of course he’s not being truthful, it’s obviously cheeky. Was just wondering what the author was trying to convey, didn’t really get it. Just a long version of his cow and cat jokes?
posted by blairsyprofane at 5:33 PM on June 29 [1 favorite]
The internet will explode!
[said more in hope than in anger, although with a fair amount of anger as well]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:23 PM on June 29 [1 favorite]
[said more in hope than in anger, although with a fair amount of anger as well]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:23 PM on June 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by HearHere at 2:40 AM on June 29 [1 favorite]