"a high heel you ordered online during a prolonged daydream"

January 9, 2025 10:02 AM

No-buy 2025 offers other ways to fill the void (WaPo gift)
posted by box (33 comments total)

No-buy 2025 im trying
posted by robbyrobs at 10:24 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

i'm not buying it
posted by HearHere at 11:32 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]

The life in this article is so incredibly foreign to me but I'm happy for her.
posted by brook horse at 11:36 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]

Annoyingly, WaPo has changed their gift articles so you have to give them an email address to get access, but I read a similar-looking article (from what I could see of the WaPo article) that suggested a bunch of stuff, like picking only specific categories, only buying secondhand, or switching to local businesses.

I already don't buy a lot of unnecessary items, except (arguably) books - most of my non-book spending is on food and gas and like, the telephone bill. But I'm hoping to buy a house later this year, and there's probably a lot of furnishings and stuff we will need, or feel like we need, where maybe I can find secondhand items or local craftspeople to get them from instead of e.g. Ikea.
posted by joannemerriam at 11:41 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]

I'm not quite to the level of a No Buy for an entire year, but I definitely have enough stuff.

However, when it comes to the shopping dopamine rush, Libby and Hoopla (via our Library) are two of the greatest gifts from my tax dollars. I have a huge list of books that I want to read and I check both of those apps before I consider buying anything. I'm drowning in books right now between my loans and holds list, so that I'm not even considering buying another book. Searching for new reads definitely scratches the shopping itch and it's been fun talking to friends an coworkers about recommendations.
posted by Alison at 11:41 AM on January 9 [7 favorites]

Oh, I'm well into learning to love the bomb when it comes to buying stuff. We're all fucked, might as well have a few things I like.

I do make sure that when I pay for media I buy physical books and records, on the theory that someday in the far flung future, some of them might survive to show that there were both good things (music) and contemporaneous awareness of how flawed and doomed our civilization was (books).
posted by Smedly, Butlerian jihadi at 11:51 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

I can't imagine buying something to be delivered and never opening it. That part really does indicate a problem.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:58 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]

I feel like I would eventually need more food.
posted by star gentle uterus at 12:08 PM on January 9 [12 favorites]

Without question, my two biggest areas of dumb shit I really don't need spending are gadgets and clothing. I impulse bought myself a sewing machine during the holidays and have already made myself a shirt, so I'm going to try making clothes for novelty instead of buying them for a while. Of course, the sewing machine counts against me as a new gadget buy, but isn't balance truly the key to life.
posted by phunniemee at 12:36 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

Here's the article on archive (no email sign up needed).
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 12:59 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

I cannot imagine buying mindlessly and not even opening the boxes. It is so completely foreign to my way of thinking. This has all been very educational.
posted by Vatnesine at 1:07 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

This is how I’m going to deal with what’s happened - ill need my money in case shit really hits the fan.
posted by Selena777 at 1:36 PM on January 9

Eponysterical.

Also yay, I'm on trend? Recent Events had me rethinking my priorities, and I thought a no-spend... month? more? would be a good way to start the year. I did not put much thought into it, just that I have plenty and can just coast a while.

Then the toilet brush snapped and I instantly decided that didn't count. But I probably have saved myself some time shopping and maybe a purchase or two.
posted by mersen at 1:41 PM on January 9

I did a no-new-clothes year a few years back (except for underwear), and that was fine. And then just as the year was up and i was thinking about getting some new work clothes, covid hit.
posted by suelac at 2:00 PM on January 9

For those who have not read the article, its not really about not buying a single thing (although of course there are some people who do that) -- its about ending the cycle of impulse buying, on trend shopping, and endless revolving wheel of new fashion, new makeup, and new home decor.

The woman in the article meets one of the regular definitions of hoarding - unopened boxes (including duplicates), and unboxed but unworn clothing and unused items.

What's described here is not so much about "I need to replace the toilet bowl brush" or "my kid destroyed his only rainboots that fit" but more about the pattern of consumption enabled through online shopping that can be summed up as "see it, buy it"

I will note that this behavior isn't really new or novel, even as the tools that the people shop through change -- certainly before TikTok shop ever existed, people were doing the same kind of thing through portals like QVC and even paper catalogs.

Yes, of course we should all be thoughtful about what we buy and consume. But I feel sometimes that when people like this are featured, it is easier to talk about the consumption than the very real mental health issues that drive the desire for the consumption.
posted by anastasiav at 2:04 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

Mod note: One deleted. Poster’s request.
posted by travelingthyme (staff) at 2:06 PM on January 9

Is this kind of shopping a mental health issue? Is it the Gateway to Hoarding? Certainly if I ever shopped like this it’d be an indication that Something is Wrong but maybe this is normal for some people? Or is it generally pathological?
posted by Vatnesine at 2:40 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

I also wonder how widespread this phenomenon is. I know I'm at the low end for consumerism, but compulsively buying stuff because it's being promoted on TikTok seems somewhat niche? At least to the degree that you're ordering more boxes than you can open. (Not that consumerism is new, but like the article points out, the Internet both removes a lot of friction from the process and hypes it up).
posted by coffeecat at 2:56 PM on January 9

My friend and I joke that cultivating a small but ever-growing pile of shit to make us feel better is the elder millennial birthright. We've grown up with a scarcity of security: emotionally distant boomer parents, 9/11 and the erosion of freedoms we hadn't yet experienced, scarcity of jobs, stagnant pay, fewer reproductive rights than 2 generations of women before us... but an abundance of consumer goods like never before. Nostalgia marketing is targeted at millennials on an unprecedented scale. Rest, restore, and soothe yourself with the self care of little treats. Etc, etc, etc. We joke about how we would have thrived in a hunter gatherer society. We can collect and accumulate like absolute pros and we contain enough rage to bring down a mammoth barehanded. But instead of nuts and berries and pelts for the winter, we have 23 official Super Mario Lego kits, enough skincare to season a wok, and shoes for every week of the year. Our talents are wasted.

Oh how we joke.
posted by phunniemee at 2:57 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]

Vatnesine, I’m thinking it isn’t a crisp edge between normal and unhealthy, here? Because so many people make money by encouraging this, it has to be normal-ish for even more people. Big ish there though.

(My feeling about it is that everyone needs budgets. Carbon budget, money budget, time budget. Within the budgets, taste and whim may romp.)
posted by clew at 3:03 PM on January 9

I do wonder what separates problem shoppers from shoppers from non-shoppers.

I'm mostly a non-shopper. It's not that I don't ever buy things for myself, or enjoy having nice things, but I don't find the act of shopping itself to be rewarding. It's mostly a chore.

I don't think it's my generation (I'm also an Elder Millenial).

My mom seems to browse online shopping sites as a way to kill time, the same way I would scroll social media. She's always finding things she "needs." Individually they don't seem like unreasonable purchases, but the amount of stuff coming into her house is just a lot.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 3:25 PM on January 9

One of my hypotheses is it has to do with the attitude towards novelty. Reading about her having all this new stuff all the time made me anxious. I hate new stuff! I have to figure out how to use it, deal with different textures, fit it into my routine, or otherwise experience some sort of change—occasionally this turns out to be pleasant, but far more often it’s not.

Versus other people enjoy novelty and change, they like things to be different and new. My MIL is like this, for example, and she’s a constant shopper. She enjoys simply the experience of something being new and unusual from her day-to-day, even if it’s not an improvement on what she already had.

Yes I do have autism and she almost certainly has ADHD, but probably it applies at a more broad personality level too.
posted by brook horse at 3:31 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

A silly trick I stumbled into to fulfill the desire to buy stuff you don't need: play with money. Over the past few years, I've started consciously putting a couple dollars every day into a piggy bank, emptying it every month and stashing what I have in a safe. Playing with a big stack of bills (even if they are mostly ones) goes a pretty long way for me to satisfy my deeply ingrained consumer wants.

Edit: Also, another trick that I'm hoping will keep me set on breaking out of the two year phone update cycle: use an older phone for a bit. I keep all of my old phones, occasionally using one for music or something else and everytime I pick it up a phone it's satisfying to interact with that my new current phone isn't. As others have said, change plays a big part, I think, towards needless purchases.
posted by ersatzsapience at 3:53 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

Novelty makes sense as a piece of the puzzle. I also really enjoy novelty, but I have other ways I've ended up fulfilling that need. I cook a lot, for example, and am often trying new recipes. I gravitate toward video games where exploration/discovery is a big element as well.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 4:05 PM on January 9

Through not buying things, she said, “your whole mindset changes: I go into Target now and I’m like, ‘This is all awful! None of this is good-quality. None of this makes me feel serotonin.’” This is the no-buy gamble: that you might flip an internal switch that makes not buying feel more satisfying than buying. “Being able to walk past those things gives me more serotonin than buying it now,” Szot said. “It makes me feel so powerful.”

I am fascinated by this language choice. "Feel serotonin" instead of "makes me happy" or "delights me".
posted by egypturnash at 4:44 PM on January 9 [4 favorites]

I assume she's expressing herself that way because she senses that something pathological, diseased, abnormal was going on... and so has chosen this medicalised if possibly inaccurate terminology.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:04 PM on January 9

I assume she's

Joking about serotonin is just a meme. It's not that deep. I'm almost 40 and I'm cringing at how old yall sound.

has chosen this medicalised if possibly inaccurate terminology

big talk coming from a spleen
posted by phunniemee at 5:16 PM on January 9 [6 favorites]

Phunniemee beat me to it. Sorry to be the bearer of "that's just how kids talk nowadays" but it's been a thing for at least three years now.
posted by brook horse at 5:17 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

an OOOOOOLD spleen, if it comes to that.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:51 PM on January 9

(it is actually my birthday today and so this landed with especial force!)
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:03 PM on January 9 [5 favorites]

Recent Events had me rethinking my priorities, and I thought a no-spend... month? more? would be a good way to start the year. I did not put much thought into it, just that I have plenty and can just coast a while.

Then the toilet brush snapped and I instantly decided that didn't count.

I try to do Februaries where I don't buy new stuff for entertainment (books, yes, but also, like, yarn). Helps avoid internal casuistry over what constitutes a "necessity."
posted by praemunire at 6:17 PM on January 9

Is this kind of shopping a mental health issue? Is it the Gateway to Hoarding? Certainly if I ever shopped like this it’d be an indication that Something is Wrong but maybe this is normal for some people? Or is it generally pathological?

As a Certified Professional Organizer, I can tell you that I've had my share clients who made purchases but never/rarely opened or used the items. Earlier in my career, many bought from the home shopping channels for the parasocial relationship aspect. They'd engage in extensive conversations (either with their voices coming over the TV, like with call-in radio, or with the phone rep), and for some, it was one of their only ways of communicating with other human beings in the post-work hours until (and after) bedtime.

I have had other clients for whom the experience of mindless shopping is akin to the experience of grazing/mindless eating. Just as some people sort of "wake up" 100 pounds more than they were, some people look up and find their homes filled with things they don't need. It's very easy to just not notice the effect of mindless behaviors until the space is full or the debt is crushing. People self-soothe in a variety of ways. (In the words of too many TikTok videos, "We listen and we don't judge.")

In many cases, this happens when people lack strong, positive ties to other humans and don't have non-work life activities that keep them busy with things that give them joy. They may have friends, but they're in different cities, or they're older and their friends all have kids but they're single and lead less active, solo lives (or vice versa, they're busy parenting and full of FOMO while their single friends have active social lives). When you feel like your life has real purpose, you're far less likely to get joy from acquisition (Ferengi notwithstanding).

But professionally, I'd say no, this is not the "gateway to hoarding." (Hoarding is a medical (neurological) disorder; I often compare it to Tourette's Syndrome because, although it's neurological in nature, it has behavioral and sometimes psychological components.) Hoarding disorders are complex, and compulsive shopping is sometimes correlated with compulsive hoarding/hoarding disorders, but the former doesn't necessarily lead to the latter.

It's easy to pathologize behavior, but buying things that have economic value to build a life that marketers make you think you need (and capitalism makes easy to access) is more likely to happen when your self-esteem is low and your social connections and positive, meaningful activities are fewer and farther-between. I am reminded of the Kurt Vonnegut quote from Slaughterhouse Five, "Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops."

As far as the serotonin issue, I've heard it colloquially used for so long, I don't blink, but let's not forget that the dopamine hit from making a purchase is not particularly different from the same dopamine hit of pulling the lever (now, usually, pushing a button) on a Vegas slot machine. We are living in the moment of anticipation; it's merely the 21st century version of what's described in the song, "The Wells-Fargo Wagon" in The Music Man.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 6:33 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

A few years ago I bought this badass new -in-box, made-in Japan, food processor from the 1990s.

They just don't make them like this anymore; it's all metal, solid as a rock. It purrs a nice low note and runs silky smooth yet with unmistakable power.

I'm still riding the buzz from that score, especially since I only paid like $40 for it and the not-as-good new version costs around $180.

Anyway, the second hand markets these days are better than ever, thanks to the same internet that gives you the cheap thrills of Amazon. I encourage anyone who struggles with buying new crap to try the much deeper joy of finding older good stuff :)
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:43 PM on January 9